Falling for You

“Yeah, of course.” He smiles and I nod, all too aware of what my home looks like compared to his. Hattie’s cottage only feels tiny because it’s always packed with people. My efficiency feels small because it is small. I flip the light on as I open the door.

“This is nice.”

I drop my keys in the ceramic pumpkin on my kitchen counter and force myself to breathe. My hands shake. I tuck them behind me and lean against the dishwasher. “It’s small.”

Josh turns and takes my elbow. He pulls me into him and holds me close. “No one ever said tiny wasn’t nice.”

I shrug and step out of his arms, stepping deeper into my five-hundred square foot home. “So, that’s the bed. There’s a bathroom through there. I… um… I have some cereal and a few things if you're hungry.”

“I’m good.” Josh sits on my mattress and begins to unlace his boots. He kicks one off, and then the other, before shrugging out of his pants.

“Just so we're clear. I know I asked you to stay, but I’m not having sex with you.”

“You know,” he pulls the comforter on my twin bed back and scoots close to the wall, “if I wasn’t so sure of myself, I might be offended.”

I roll my eyes, feigning confidence, and unzip my dress. Josh has seen me naked. Once. On accident. But standing in front of him in nothing but my black lace bra and matching panties is nerve-racking.

Josh stares at me, a small smirk on his face, refusing to look away. I saunter over to the four-drawer dresser my TV is resting on, and grab a silk nightie out of the top drawer. I turn towards the wall and unclasp my bra. It falls to my feet. I suck in a breath, feeling Josh’s eyes on my back, then slip the nightie on.

Josh clears his throat. “Why… uh… why do you keep saying that?”

I turn towards him and twist my hair into a braid. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I wonder, How are we both going to fit here tonight? “Because I don’t trust myself. If I don’t put it out there, we might get carried away. If I say it, you’ll stop before things go too far.”

I lay on my side, our faces inches from each other. Josh pulls the cover over us and drapes his arm across my hip. “How do you know?”

“Because I trust you.” I press my lips to his and cup Josh’s cheek. His hand trails over my hip, a traitorous moan telling him everything he needs.

I spread my legs, silently giving him permission to take things to the next step. We’ve been doing this for a few weeks now, kissing and sleeping next to each other, and Josh has never asked for more. Never pressuring me into something I’m not ready for, but I can feel how much he wants me.

Josh’s fingers brush over the thin lace covering my center. I suck in a breath, our mouths breaking apart. He slides under the lace and slips inside me. All the air is pulled from my lungs. I can’t move, can’t think, because there’s a pain from Josh’s finger stretching skin that hasn’t been touched in almost six months.

“Is this okay?”

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nbsp; I nod. Finding my breath again only to lose it when he starts moving. After a few strokes, he pushes another finger inside and my eyes roll back as the first orgasm of the night hits me. I press my mouth to his and reach beneath his boxers. Josh is thick, my fingers don’t touch my thumb, and he’s long. My mind strays wondering, How is that supposed to fit?

Josh grunts and pulls his hand away. I follow his lead, doing the same, and he presses his forehead against mine. “We should stop. If you keep rubbing me like that, I’m going to come in my pants.”

“There are other places it could go.” I’ve given all of three blowjobs in my life, all of them more effort than they were worth, but I’d do it for Josh. Who knows, it could be fun.

“Not tonight.” He presses his lips against mine for a quick kiss. “Not after what you went through.”

I nod and close my eyes, feeling the weight of sleep coming over me until Josh speaks again. “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?”

“I’m supposed to fly back home. No one’s asked me to, but it’s been implied, especially since Aunt Tricia is going.”

Josh runs his fingers down my back, trailing lazy circles.“You don’t want to?”

“Ashley’s family is bound to be there. You saw what he’s like.”

“So, you’re just going to what? Stay here by yourself?”

“It beats going home and dealing with that mess.” I roll onto my back. I stare at my ceiling, making constellations out of tiny popcorn pieces. The first night I moved in, I couldn’t sleep. I stayed up for hours, counting each speck until eventually nodding off. I have no interest in counting specks tonight. “I’m not marrying him. I flat out told my parents that, but they seem to think I’ll change my mind and go crawling back. The longer I stay away, the better off I am.”

Josh cups my cheek and forces me to look at him. “You should have Thanksgiving at my house.”

My stomach somersaults. Holidays and meeting the parents are big steps in a relationship. “That’s still a few weeks out.”