I Love You, I Hate You: Part 1

The torture I was put through wasn’t limited to the school walls. Austin, my ex, and his friends—friends that used to be my friends—bombarded my social media with degrading memes and comments and pictures. Those, of course, fueled the inferno around me. I tried to stay strong, always putting on a mask of armor whenever anyone was around. But eventually even the toughest of armors crack.

Dad knocks at my door, probably to tell me he’s leaving. He likes to get to his office early. Why? I have no freaking clue, but it’s been this way for as long as I can remember. As the door creeps open, I pull the covers over my head and roll onto my side, turning my back to him.

He sighs and then the edge of my bed dips. “You look tired.”

My heart beats a little faster, the veil of darkness weighing me down lifts a little and then comes down harder than ever. “What are you doing here, Logan?”

His hand finds my back, rubbing small circles over the blanket. I close my eyes, enjoying the sensation. “I talked to your dad this morning. He’s worried about you.”

I sit up, pushing the blanket behind me in the process and glare at him. “Why are you being so nice all of the sudden? Everything about you changed at homecoming. Is there some bet or something you’re in on too? Because if so, just tell your friends you won and leave me alone!”

I throw myself back onto my pillow and reach for my blanket to hide under again. I know I’m lashing out, but I’m hurt and angry and drowning in memories. I should skip today and maybe until I’m able to build my armor again. If Gunner or Melody see me like this, they’ll know they’ve won. Usually, I don’t give up without a fight, but right now I don’t have it in me.

Logan yanks the blanket off my body and discards it on the floor. He grabs my shoulder and rolls me onto my back. I turn my head refusing to look at him, but he takes my chin between his fingers and forces me to stare at his pretty face. “You’re really going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

My chin wobbles, and I clench my teeth to keep control of my emotions. All I’ve done the last twenty-four hours is cry. I didn’t think I had any tears left. Apparently, I do.

“I like you, Danika. I like you a lot. I want us,” Logan wiggles his finger between us, “to be a thing. A real, we’re together exclusively, thing.”

“That’s called a relationship.”

“Fine. Cool. Whatever it is, I want it with you. I was going to say something last night but then everything got fucked up.” Logan lets go of my chin and takes my hands, pulling me into a sitting position. “Now, I need you to get up and get dressed. We’re going to face these assholes together. Whatever happens today, I’ve got your back.”

I want to smile, to throw my arms around Logan and tell him how much it means to me that he’s here, but I don’t feel happy. I’m scared. “I don’t want anyone to see me.”

Logan exhales loudly, but he doesn’t sound frustrated. I’m sure he’s used to this kind of moody shit with Piper. She gets it. She’s on the same slippery slope I was on last year, where I feel myself falling down now. Only, Piper’s deeper down the rabbit hole than I ever was.

Logan slides off my bed and walks into my closet. When he comes out a minute later, he sets my only pair of school pants, my black Chucks, and the shirt he sent me home with yesterday on my bed. “Get dressed. I’ll be back in ten minutes and then we are going to school. If you skip today, these fuckers will know they’ve gotten to you and then they’ll never stop.”

Ten minutes later, my front door swings open. It should bother me how Logan waltzes inside like he owns the place, but I don’t have the energy to care. He tosses a black hoodie at me and says, “Put this on.”

Slipping it over my head, I’m surrounded by Logan’s scent, the spicy, heady, smell lifting me a little further out of my darkness.

Logan takes me by the elbow and pulls me into his arms. We stand there for what feels like an eternity, the only sounds are our breaths and beating hearts.

“I like you, Danika,” he says, the deep rumble of his voice vibrating in his chest. “I can’t say that about many people. I think we can both agree that there’s something epic happening between us. As much as I don’t want to be just friends with you, we can go back to that if it’s what you need. Whatever you decide, I’m not going anywhere.”

32

Danika

Logan crouches down, resting his hands on my knees, which are pulled close to my chest. I look at his thick fingers, feeling their warmth penetrate my skin through my pants, then look up into his eyes.

Today Logan wears his glasses for the first time in public since the eighth grade. It’s an attempt to divert the expected chatter from me to him, which might work since he’s transitioned from bad boy with an attitude to sexy nerd overnight.

Personally, I like the glasses. While his current pair is much more stylish than the thick-framed freebies he used to wear, just seeing him in glasses adds an extra level of comfort I wasn’t expecting.

That signature crooked smile greets me as Logan flips his palms over. “Come on, babe.” He pulls me to my feet and immediately wraps his arms around my shoulders.

A group of people approach, merely trying to get into the school buildi

ng, and I freeze. We should have parked further away. Logan pulls the hood over my head, covering most of my face, then whispers “Anytime you start to freak out, just remember, Tad takes it in the ass.”

I laugh and shove Logan in the chest, stepping back from his embrace. I need a second. Between my flipping butterflies and nervous bats, I think I might puke. Surprisingly Logan doesn’t notice my distress. He’s too focused on my mouth.

“There’s that pretty smile.” He takes my hand in his and escorts me into the building. I hug close to his big arm, feeling the weight of a dozen eyes on us.

People whisper as we walk the halls together, but Logan ignores everyone. When we pass Gunner and Melody, Logan puts his arm around my shoulders. I close my eyes, turning my face into his chest. I’m not ready to face them. Not yet.