Falling into Surrender (Falling 3)

“Victoria, it’s for the best,” he mutters. “I think we could both use a break before either one of us says something else we’ll regret.”

I try my best to steel myself as I stare up into his eyes, preparing for the inevitable heartbreak. “Gabriel, if you don’t want me anymore, just say it. No point dragging it out. You don’t have to feel responsible for me, I can stand on my own two feet. I can get all my stuff and be out of your hair by tomorrow.”

He cuts me off by pulling me close and giving me a chaste kiss on my lips. His hand brushes against my cheek as he steps back, and I instinctively lean into it.

“Victoria, I love you,” he says. “I never said I don’t want you, but I just… need some time right now.”

“Time for what?” I demand. “Why are you doing this to me? Is it because you feel differently about me now? Are you not attracted to me, what is it? Tell me what I need to do to fix this.”

I’m getting hysterical, I know it, but I don’t care. Gabriel doesn’t answer any of my questions. He doesn’t give me any false hope as he turns and leaves without another word.

Chapter Eleven

Victoria

Time passes slowly in his absence. It hurts to breathe, to even move, and I don’t know how I’m going to survive this. Just when I thought I could finally be free, everything is being torn away from me again. I feel like the universe is playing some sick joke on me, and I want to scream. To break something, anything. But I don’t.

He doesn’t call. And I’m back in the apartment, but I don’t know why. Everything inside of me is telling me to go, but I need answers first. So here I sit, watching the rain fall from the sky, blanketing New York in its own sadness.

And then Gabriel walks through the door. He’s a sight for sore eyes in his black pants and blue dress shirt. It occurs to me that he must have bought another one, and idly, I hope it’s because I told him I liked the color.

He sets down his bags and stands in front of the door, watching me warily. I curl into the couch, unsure of what to say or do. It’s clear we are at an impasse.

“Victoria,” he says, taking a few steps closer. “I’m glad you’re here. I missed you.”

My heart aches at those words, and I want to fling myself into his arms, but I know I can’t. There are still things that need to be said, so I settle for the only words I can manage.

“I missed you too,” I whisper.

He takes a few more steps, and I hold my breath as he sits down on the couch beside me. His blue eyes are roving over me, sad and lost and filled with pain. I want to comfort him if only I knew how.

His hand comes up to my cheek, his fingers dancing along my skin as I tremble beneath him. The touch is so small, and yet it means so much to me. When his lips find mine, I can’t control myself any longer. I climb into his lap, thrusting my fingers through his hair as I clutch his head. I kiss him as if my very life depends on it. Until all of the air has been sucked from both of our lungs and he pulls away.

“Baby,” he says, his voice husky with desire. “We need to talk first. Please.”

I sink back into the couch, my stomach tying itself in knots.

“Okay. Then talk.”

He looks at me with an uplifted eyebrow, a slow smile creeping across his face. “You want me to start then?”

“Well, I don’t know where to start since you’re the one with the problem.” I don’t mean for the words to come out so sharply, but I know this is it. Everything hangs in the balance right now.

His gaze searches mine as he sits back and takes my hand in his. “Victoria, to answer your questions,” he begins, “I absolutely want to be with you, I love you more than anything on this planet, and I still think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. I always will.”

My heart starts to beat again for the first time in days, and I clutch him a little tighter, afraid to let go. “So what’s been going on with you then?” I ask. “Is it work?”

“No.” He shakes his head. “Work is fine. I just…” he pauses for a moment looking at me nervously. “After what happened, and while you were gone, I had a lot of time to think. And I realized the enormity of everything you’ve been through. I didn’t before, as you said I had underestimated Eleanore. You didn’t think I would understand, and you were right.”