Use Me (Caldwell Brothers)

All that glitters does not always remain gold.

All that once was beautiful doesn’t remain so.

All that was lost will not necessarily be found.

Time does not stand still.

I stand up and stretch my neck as I walk over and grab my laptop, carrying it back to the table and opening it up. Then I click on the new document and title it: Mommy Porn.

“To new beginnings,” I toast the air then take a sip.

There is a saying in the writing industry: “write drunk and edit sober.” I guess I will give it a try tonight.

Sweet Jesus, am I really going to do this?

For Melanie, I will.

Chapter Three

I stand in line at The Bean, a little coffee shop I discovered one morning as I was running off the effects of the sleeping pills. Only, I didn’t go in. Today, though, I need something.

I keep my head down. I don’t need to make eye contact with anyone. They might think I want to talk. I don’t want to talk. I want to be left the hell alone. I am not approachable. I am not friendly, kind, or willing to engage in mindless chatter. I need caffeine. I need a jolt... in life and in getting through this morning.

I ask the nerdy kid behind the counter to hit me with the strongest thing in his arsenal, and after the normal jaw drop, slight tremor, and a throat clearing, he forces a smile, to which I then nod and say, “Double it.”

“The lighter the roast, the higher the caffeine count.” His voice trembles, and I sigh. Then he clears his throat. “Longer roasting takes the caffeine out.” His words are now rushed, and I can see his hand tremble.

“I don’t give a damn about the process. I just need something to keep me awake so I can get through my day,” I grumble under my breath, wanting nothing but a cup of something to wake me up.

From behind me, I hear a slight giggle. Then, before I can turn around, I hear a voice say, “Hit the big guy with a double shot of espresso, followed by your strongest iced coffee. Make two of each. I’ll take the same.”

I don’t want to look back, but fuck if I don’t like the sound of her voice. It’s raspy, like the woman either smokes a pack a day or she is having the same kind of morning as me.

When I look back at her, I instantly regret it. She’s tall for a woman—I would guess five-foot-eight—and thin, wearing a black, shapeless dress that would normally not flatter a woman, yet her legs seem endless. She has thick, shoulder-length black hair, brown eyes, and her lips are pink. I like pink lips.

She smirks. Fucking smirks at me, and I can’t help staring at her. Only when she seems to get a tad bit uncomfortable do I look away.

I look at the kid and nod. “Sounds good.”

I hear her let out a breath, but I don’t look back again. I look straight ahead and see her reflection in the mirror. Her head is cocked to the side as she stares at me, seeming to be in deep thought, and her eyes call to me. They are like a wide-open space that a caged man could wander through aimlessly, freely, easily. A man like me craves that.

When the beverages are in front of me, the guy rings me up for everything, and I pay without question and turn toward her.

“Thanks.”

Her eyes aren’t the same as they were in the mirror. She is not carefree. She is no longer an island to wander around on. She looks at me like I could do something for her. There is a hunger there. Not the kind I’m used to. This isn’t about lust; this is raw in a way that makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like it, so I quickly walk past her and make my way toward the exit, tossing back the double espresso then shooting the cup in the garbage before walking out the door.

All day, I am jittery. Hell, I even let some of the young punks I train land jabs that they sure as hell shouldn’t be able to. I’m not used to something this strong. Now I can only hope to hell it will wear off soon. Otherwise, I will need another pill tonight, and I don’t have the rations for that.

My routine is much the same as any other night. I close up, head to my apartment, wash off, and pray I can crash.

I lay in bed, and for some reason, sleep is so close, but still a tad out of reach. I close my eyes, trying to focus on the pain my body felt today, and see something unwelcoming.

Her eyes.

Fuck.

Within seconds, I start to think of her pink lips, and my cock starts to thicken. I haven’t been out to get a release in a couple of weeks. Haven’t felt the need. Right now, I feel need.