Only One Regret (Only One 5)

"Auntie Erika!" Emma says, stopping in front of her and jumping up and down. "Daddy and Mommy are going to take me on a bike ride," she says, and I can see Erika’s shield come down. She takes in the whole scene and then turns to her. "It’s family time."

A smile fills her face. "Really?" she replies, bending and tapping her nose. "That sounds like so much fun."

"Um, I should have called," Julianne says. I know this conversation has to happen, but I just wish I didn’t have to leave Erika to do it.

"Erika," I say, grabbing Mia and turning to walk back to her. "Can you take the kids for a second while I talk to Julianne?” She avoids my eyes, and I see the struggle that she has to swallow.

I can see the tears forming in her eyes, and she looks at Emma. "Who wants a snack?" she asks, grabbing Mia from me and turning to walk into the house. I want to go after her, but first, I need to talk to Julianne.

"Why don’t we step outside?" I tell Julianne, not ready for her to start shit in my house and twist it in front of the girls.

I step outside, and she looks at me. "What the fuck is going on?" she asks in almost a whisper. I walk over and sit down on the step and look over at her.

"I think we need to discuss a couple of things," I suggest, and she cocks her hip and looks at me.

"About you fucking Erika?" she asks, and this right here is why I didn’t want to do this inside.

I look at her, and my tone is softer than I want it to be. "Julianne," I start, and she just shakes her head as she blinks away tears. "Trust me, the last thing I wanted was for you to find out like this," I say honestly. "I mean, you were going to find out today, that is for sure." I swallow. "But not like this."

"How can this be?" she asks. I knew it. Like deep down inside, I knew this day would eventually come. She rubs her hands over her face. “You said she was your best friend."

"And she is," I confirm to her. "She is my best friend and …" I stop talking because saying she’s the love of my life will not go over well. "I think we need to start with what you told her yesterday,” I add, and I see her face go a shade of white.

"I went to her for help," she defends. "Because I realized that I had everything I ever wanted, and I stupidly let it go," she admits to me. "And I wanted her to help me talk to you about it."

"Shouldn’t you have been the one who talked to me about it?" I ask, and she comes over to me and sits next to me. "You didn’t even tell me any of this. You went straight to Erika."

"I thought I would tell you today," she explains.

"You told her that I said I would think about it," I try to say as calmly as I can, but it comes out harsh and she looks down. "Julianne, I love you because you are the mother of my children," I say finally. "But I don’t love you like that."

"How long has this been going on?" she asks, and I know she’s really asking me if it was going on while we were married.

"A couple of months. Nothing started until after we were officially divorced."

She pffts. "You really expect me to believe you?"

"I expect you to believe me because it’s the truth. I’ve never lied to you, and I never will. I was faithful to you the whole time." My voice goes soft. "I was with you the whole way. I gave you everything," I remind her, and she just looks at me.

"No, you weren’t," she denies, wiping away the tear that comes out of her eyes. "The whole time we were married, you were always holding back," she says, and I’m shocked. "You were married to me, and we had children, but there was always something missing." I listen to her words.

I swallow. "I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m sorry I wasn’t the man you deserved."

"But we have a family. We have two girls. Shouldn’t we try for them?"

I look at her, really look at her. "In the end, I think we were always going to end up here," I admit for the first time. "I think we were both swept up in what we were expected to be." She turns to look out onto the street. "Can you honestly say you were happy?" I ask, and she doesn’t say anything. "Can you honestly say you love me?"

"We were happy," she says and then admits, "Sometimes." I put my arm around her. "This sucks," she says, and we both laugh.