Window Shopping

I worry that I’m just pretending to be someone else. Someone new.

I worry that if I peeled back a single layer of skin, I’d find the girl who vandalized cars and blew off school and treated her parents with a lack of respect, all so she’d fit in. All so she could fulfill some bad girl persona. How could I have changed so much? From that troubled girl to this…woman who is proficient at her job and holds this deeply good man’s hand?

I don’t know. Maybe I haven’t.

But I’m going to explore this and hope that eventually the universe will send me a sign that I’m living right. That I’ve changed. That I can sustain that change permanently.

For now, I’m going to let myself have Aiden and this moment.

Maybe if I jump in with both feet, it’ll start to feel real.

Most of the employees in Aiden’s front office are gathered in the break room having their lunch. He nods at them as we pass, leaving their jaws unhinged. When we enter his office, Leland is at the desk opposite Aiden’s, merrily typing away, “Blue Christmas” by Elvis playing at a high volume. “BRB boss while I write literal fan fiction about you. I mean, that was just…” Leland trails off, making an explosion sound. “I think I’m going to join the gym. I’m just so motivated right now. I mean, this momentum will fade and I’ll regret locking myself into a contract but I’m going to ride this steed of ambition until it bucks me off—”

“Leland,” Aiden says, his thumb pressing into the center of my palm, moving in a slow circle and robbing the breath clean out of my lungs. “Your mother is looking for you outside.”

“My mother?” The head of Aiden’s assistant snaps up, his eyes appearing over the top of his Mac. When he sees us standing just inside the door, our fingers twined together, his eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. “Ohhh. My mother. That’s right. We’re going to lunch. So nice of her to drive in from Connecticut at the last second.” He stands and swipes up his keys, checks for his wallet, and breezes past us with a thousand-watt smile. “The official word is that you’re discussing the direction of the spring window designs.”

“Thank you,” Aiden says to his assistant’s retreating back.

The door closes, leaving us alone in the office.

“People are totally going to know what we’re doing in here,” I murmur, Carol of the Bells starting to play. Aiden turns to face me, crowding me against the door, sending a wave of heavy heat careering into my belly. “What, um…what are we going to do in here?”

A shudder goes through his sturdy frame. “That’s up to you, sweetheart. I just needed you to myself.”

He reaches past my right shoulder and taps a switch on the wall. There’s a mechanical whir and the room begins to darken. A thin black shade is coming down over the window, still allowing some light in but blocking most. In the space of seconds, the office goes from a professional setting to something else entirely. But when Aiden drops his mouth to mine and whispers my name, we could be on the N train during rush hour for all I care. I just want to kiss this man. My toes are curled up tight in my boots, anticipation making me dizzy.

God, he’s so big. Did I notice that enough before? How his shoulders block out the world? How it feels so natural to rub our foreheads together, to treat my hands to a ride up and over his pecs. Touching this man is like second nature while being entirely new. Thrilling. Right.

“Stella,” he says, tilting my chin up. “Are you sure you’re okay after what happened?”

I start to lie, to say yes, but the words won’t come out. Not to him. “It shook me up. But now…I don’t know, I feel shaken up in a good way. Maybe that doesn’t make sense. I just know I’m not scared anymore, but my adrenaline is still pumping. I haven’t come down.” I press up on my toes to meld our mouths together. “Don’t let me come down.”

Our kiss is a perfect assault. It’s nothing like the other ones, because there’s no holding back. There’s no reason to temper the heat, except maybe the fact that we’re in his office in the middle of the day. Our location is the furthest thought from my brain, however, when our lips open in tandem, the condensation from our labored breaths making the kiss slippery. Hot. Sexual. We’re in the dark and there’s nothing to stop this. Nothing to stop Aiden’s tongue from pushing past my lips to stroke mine. Nothing to keep his hands from cupping the sides of my face, his thumbs tracing the curve of my jawline. With a groan, he tips my head back to kiss me more fully, taking the access I grant him with hunger growing more and more unchecked.