Infamous Like Us (Like Us 10)

“The truth,” I say. “That Gabe is taking our room, and we’re moving in with Sulli.”

“He thinks he’s being replaced by Gabe…I hate that he thinks that.” Akara wants to assuage Quinn’s feelings.

Omega has gone through a lot of shifts, but for a while, it used to be the Yale boys and then me, Thatcher, and Akara, with Quinn in the middle. The two groups treating him like a little brother.

Now that he’s been out with a broken leg, Gabe has filled the middle-man spot and he’s the same age as Quinn. Twenty-three. On paper, maybe it’d be easy to think Gabe is Quinn.

But I’d choose Quinn every time. Hands down. No falter.

“Tell Quinn that we miss him,” Sulli says.

“Tell him Gabe doesn’t know what Animal Planet is,” I chime in.

Akara gives me a what the fuck? look.

“He’s not the sharpest tool, man.”

“No, I know that. But he didn’t know what Animal Planet is?”

“He thought it was a part of our galaxy. Next to fuckin’ Jupiter. A planet named Animal.”

Sulli bursts into laughter.

Akara smiles. “You’re fracking with me.”

“I’m dead-ass.” I can’t even remember how the conversation started. Every time I talk to the guy, my IQ begins to melt away. I’m not looking for some Einstein or a mental math conversation that’d send me to the moon. But there’ve been times where Gabe has made me question my own intelligence. Like, am I the idiot here or is his head really that full of air?

Akara starts to text. Midway through, he pauses. “Dang it, he’s calling me.”

“Take it,” Sulli suggests. “He probably needs the pep talk.”

“I’ll be back.” Akara puts a phone to his ear. “Quinn…” His voice trails off as the door closes behind him.

Quiet falls in the room. While Sulli slips her arms through the gown, I’m behind her and tying the strings at her bare back. My knuckles graze her soft skin as I make a knot.

Her breathing sounds slow and easy. “Thanks.” She turns her head a little. Looking up at me over her shoulder, Sulli only has love in her eyes. “I agree with Kits, just so you know. I think you’d be a good parent to his biological kid, just like he’d be a good one to yours.”

“I want to believe that too, just so you know.” I finish tying her gown. She hops up on the exam table, and I climb up beside Sulli. Tall, the two of us—both of our feet touch the floor. “My dad is nothing like yours. He made terrible choices when it came to his family.”

“So then you have a fucking road map of what not to do. Which paths to not go down. That counts for something, Banks.”

I rest a hand on her thigh. She collects my hand in hers, lacing our fingers. With my other, I dig out a pack of cigarettes. Still in plastic. Unopened.

I quit smoking again.

Back in the spring.

Why I carry around these fucking cigarettes—I have no idea. Because I know I can? Because they’re a crutch in case shit goes to hell? Because I know it’s a mistake that I’m destined to repeat?

Am I just like my father then?

I push that away. I can’t fathom abandoning anyone the way that he just up and left me. Let alone a child.

I’m not like him.

I try to remember that.

“Maybe it does count for something,” I tell her, then I skim her calm breathing. “You’re okay?”

“Yeah, it’s sinking in.” She leans into my side, and I wrap an arm around her. “Can I have those?” she asks, eyeing the cigarettes.

“Please. Take ‘em.”

She grabs the cigarettes. “I’m trashing these when we leave.”

“Fine by me.” I think for a second, and I don’t realize I’m staring at the cigarettes until she says, “Are the cravings that bad?”

I shake my head. “Not right now, anyway. I was just thinking…” I let out a soft laugh. “Life is a strange ride, and I don’t think I really hopped on until I started yearning for something more than a cigarette. Not until I started longing for you and Akara…and now a baby.”

Sulli hangs onto my gaze. I’m staring deeply into her, remembering our first kiss in the motel. Remembering the first time we met. Remembering every single piece in between.

“Sometimes,” I breathe, “I wonder how much of a ghost I was before. Just background. Floating through people’s lives. Helping them. Being there for them. No other purpose but that.”

“Is that what you’re afraid of?” Sulli wonders. “Being background again?”

It fists me—that possibility. My eyes burn. “I know there’s no way you or Akara would treat me like that. But I’d be a liar if I said it didn’t scare me.” Before she speaks, I add quickly, “I will love this kid no matter who the biological dad is, and I’m not going anywhere.” I promise again. “I’m not. And don’t yearn for a kid with my genes because it’d make me feel better. I’m stronger than that.”