A Nanny for Christmas

“She’s beautiful. I’d like to have a baby.”

I blinked and then laughed. “I’m sure you’ll meet the right man someday, but you’re far too young to be thinking about it right now.”

Elle rolled her eyes at me. “I meant a baby sister.”

This time, my laugh felt more forced. “Maybe that’s a possibility someday.”

She looked sad when she shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. My mom told me she made sure she’d never have to have babies again after I was born.”

I flinched at the words, imagining why she might have said that to her daughter. It may have been thoughtlessly cruel, or perhaps it was a purposeful effort to hurt Elle by implying she’d never make the same mistake again. “Still, your father might get married again someday.” The thought brought a hitch to my throat, and I glanced in his direction. I was happy he followed a few steps behind the family who had run across our path, so he hadn’t heard.

She looked entirely too grown-up and serious when she shook her head again. “No, I’ve heard him say that he’ll never get married again. He says wives and women are too much trouble.”

I winced again, but I wasn’t certain why. Was it because Elle had overheard a conversation not meant for her ears, or because of my own feelings? I just squeezed her shoulder and didn’t say anything else. What could I say? Anything else would be false hope, and I certainly didn’t have any inside information on the possibility of either one of her parents having more children.

When Ben caught up with us, we moved on to the snake house, and Elle ran down the length of the enclosure. She took a perch a few feet away from us, and her attention was focused completely on the animals. I leaned against the rail and turned to Ben. “I think she’s hoping she’s a wizard—” I broke off abruptly when I realized how close we were to each other. Our faces were only inches apart, and my heart leaped before I jumped back.

All I managed to do was catch the heel of my boot against the uneven cement to the floor and start to fall. My arms went flying out, but they weren’t what kept me from hitting the concrete.

Ben’s arms wrapped around me, holding me steady. It happened quickly, and he pulled me against his chest, perhaps in an accidental overcorrection to keep me from falling backward. I wanted to think there was another reason. Maybe that was why I didn’t move away.

We stayed like that for a moment, my hands clutching the lapels of his jacket as his arms remained locked around me. Our bodies pressed close to each other, so tight that I could feel the heat radiating from him, and our mouths were only inches away from touching. I stared up into his eyes, certain I saw desire there. I know I felt it through my veins, and I licked my lips.

The hard bulge pressing against my hip a second later confirmed I wasn’t imagining things. I gasped at the feeling of his cock stiffening against me.

He gave me a crooked grin, and the corners of his eyes crinkled. “I’m sorry. It’s an automatic response to being so close to a beautiful woman.”

My insides went mushy at the words, and I felt like I was melting under the intensity of his gaze. For a second, I hovered on the edge of tilting forward and pressing my lips to his. He seemed to be having a similar thought, and his head moved down toward me.

“Are you guys going to kiss?”

Elle’s question startled us both and we jumped apart like scalded cats. Thankfully, I didn’t trip this time. I frowned at her and shook my head. “Of course not.”

She looked skeptical. “You looked like you were going to. You looked like in the movies.”

“Oh come on, Elle, we weren’t doing anything like that at all,” said Ben in a slightly gruff tone. “Lindsay nearly fell, and I caught her. That’s all.”

Elle looked skeptical. She was too perceptive for her age. The speculation gleaming in her eyes worried me, as did the grin that broke over her face a few minutes later. I could see her starting to entertain thoughts that were bound to break her heart. When she skipped up beside me and took my hand in hers, I still squeezed, not wanting to deny her the loving connection, though I was terrified I was setting her up for disappointment. And maybe setting myself up for disappointment, came the thought in my mind.

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I will have a baby someday.”

“After college,” I admonished with a wink.

“Sure.” She leaned closer, pitching her voice so Ben couldn’t hear it from where he stood on my other side. “Remember, I want a sister.”

I feigned ignorance. “Like I said, maybe you’ll have that someday. That’s up to your mom and dad.”

She winked at me, as though we were sharing a big secret. “Sure, Lindsay.” She ran ahead before turning around to call over her shoulder, “A girl.”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I just settled for a quick nod that seemed to satisfy her as she returned her attention to the snakes around us. When she yelled, “It’s snowing!” and began catching the stray flakes on her tongue, I knew I was off the hook. At least for now.

Ben bent his head, bringing it close to my ear. “What was that all about?”

I shook my head. “Trust me, you don’t want to know.”

He didn’t press the issue, and we moved on, following behind Elle as she weaved her way through the first the reptile house, before moving on to the rain forest a short time later.

It didn’t escape my notice that Ben and I walked together, side-by-side, and I also acknowledged his hand was on my lower back for much of the trip. I was too weak-willed to step away, and despite the chill in the air, not strong enough to cuddle closer. It was limbo, a different kind of torture. I wanted him, but I was afraid of wanting him. I was already growing closer to Elle than was probably wise, and I was destined for a double dose of heartbreak if and when Ben found himself in a relationship. If Elle had a new mother figure, she likely wouldn’t need a nanny, and I couldn’t imagine the torture of remaining in the Imperial and watching him with another woman.