A Nanny for Christmas

“What do you want me to do?”

I felt a sense of dread creep over me at the thought, but I didn’t feel like I had an alternative when I made the suggestion. “I’d like you to go spy on Ashe’s house. I need you to see if Elle is there with her, and since I doubt she’d recognize you or be expecting you, you could slip right under her radar.”

Lindsay frowned. “Don’t you think she would’ve called you if Elle showed up at her house?”

“That’s what a responsible adult would do, but we’re talking about Ashe. I don’t even know if she’d be sober if Elle does show up. When I made the decision to divorce Ashe, it was because I came home and found her unconscious on the couch with a needle still in her arm.”

Lindsay gasped.

“It gets worse,” I said, pressing on. “She was responsible for Elle that day, and there was no one else home. Elle was with her, pressing a wet cloth to her forehead to take care of her. When I finally got the nerve to ask her about it a few days later, she reluctantly admitted that wasn’t the first time Ashe had done that—it wasn’t the first time Elle had taken care of her. Ashe had made her promise not to tell me, because she said I would leave, and she had Elle convinced I wouldn’t take her along with me.”

Lindsay’s shock turned to anger. “That horrible woman. No wonder Elle doesn’t know how to be a little girl. She was so busy being a mother to her own mother that she didn’t have a childhood.”

I nodded. “So I can’t imagine she would actually go there, but I have to rule out the possibility. Will you please go look?”

Her shoulders squared, and she nodded. “Okay. Yes. How do you want me to handle it? Should I knock on the door?”

“Not right away. Observe from a distance, and then call me before you do anything else. We’ll figure out a plan together.”

I was so proud of her. Despite the fact it was out of my comfort zone, the fact that she was willing to do something risky for Elle because I had asked made my heart leap. It was difficult to let go of her, which sent warning bells pealing through my head.

I was becoming too reliant on Lindsay, and I knew it wasn’t just the situation this morning. It had been harder than I imagined it could ever be to carry her to her room last night and leave her there. I couldn’t risk Elle waking up and finding us together, and I didn’t want Lindsay to think there was more to us than one night. Despite all that, I held her in my arms for a good few hours until finally forcing myself to take her to her room. And now her sweet, soft body was in my arms again. The body that fit mine perfectly.

My thoughts of Lindsay were quickly consumed by fears for Elle, and the need to have her home. I didn’t want to send Lindsay mixed signals, but I couldn’t suddenly become aloof at the moment. Besides, I needed her. Not just because I needed her to spy on Ashe, but because I needed her support and strength. It was humbling, and unsettling.

CHAPTER 12

LINDSAY

I grabbed a jacket and hurried to the elevator. Usually a quick ride, this time it seemed to take forever. I drummed my fingers on the wall of the elevator until the doors finally opened. I hadn’t called Hector, and neither had Ben. I was reaching for my cell phone before I realized I couldn’t take the limousine anyway. Ashe might be suspicious if she saw a long black car driving past the house. If Elle had gone to her, I didn’t know how Ashe would respond. I’d like to think Ashe was still her mother and would welcome her with open arms, or at least keep her safe until Ben could get her, but I wasn’t confident. She might try to keep Elle to hurt Ben... once she realized we knew the girl was with her, she might try to take her away somewhere.

To be discreet, I took the subway. I was halfway to the stop that would get me nearest Elle’s new address, which Ben had given me on the way out, but I couldn’t settle in my seat. My brain was racing; my instincts were screaming that this was the wrong path to take. But I didn’t know what else to do.

Spying on Ashe was disquieting, but we had to know if Elle was there. Ben had asked me specifically to go there, and I couldn’t tell him no. It didn’t even have anything to do with the fact that we had slept together last night. It was basic human decency, along with my instincts responding to his vulnerability.

I also wanted Elle back where she belonged—at home.

I couldn’t understand why she had run away now. We seemed to be making progress, and this turn of events was frustrating and confusing. What had triggered her to run? I had been there for her as consistently as I’d been since the start when I moved in with the Hudsons. Maybe it had nothing to do with me, but I couldn’t help trying to dissect the situation and figure out if I was, in some way, to blame. Had Elle decided having me there wasn’t what she wanted after all? I might not be what she needed. Even so, I didn’t think she would logically decide the best solution was for her to leave instead of me. She could have just told Ben to get rid of me, so I didn’t think that was why she had run away.

Elle had seemed to be getting closer to her father again, and they’d spent a few evenings this past week holed up in his office either watching something together or with her working on homework as he did whatever work he brought home. It made me happy to see, because they needed to get close again. Elle needed to trust that he would be there for her, and he needed a strong bond with her.

I could think of nothing that had set her off, or had led to this decision to flee. Ever since the zoo last Saturday, she seemed more cheerful and secure. She’d even dropped a few hints about the nonexistent baby sister that she seemed to expect I would somehow provide for her. Was it tangled up with that? And she convinced herself there was something more between me and Ben and gotten discouraged when there was no proof of it?

Again, that seemed way too mature for a child her age. I was still no closer to figuring out why she left than I’d been when I had gotten on the subway.

I looked out the window, trying to clear my thoughts to start over, when a poster of the Ferris wheel at Coney Island caught my eye. I couldn’t look away for a minute, but I wasn’t certain why it was so compelling.

Abruptly, the conversation I’d had with Elle last week popped into my mind. She told me she missed her old neighborhood, before they had gotten so rich, and she especially missed going to the park. There was a small playhouse there she enjoyed taking her books into to read. Since she had only been four years old the last time she’d been there, I couldn’t imagine she’d been able to do much reading, but she insisted it was her favorite place in the whole world, and it was too far to go now.

Deciding that I had to take a chance, hoping she had somehow found her way there, I prepared to get off at the next stop. My father still lives at the old address where we lived next door to the Hudsons years ago. I had it memorized, but I didn’t remember where the parks were located there. I hadn’t been to a park in a long time—not since I had looked after Elle. We certainly hadn’t had time or inclination after my mother died.

The subway drew to a halt, and the doors opened. I joined the rush of people pressing their way through before taking a spot to the side on the platform. Looking at a map, I quickly scanned through the parks and figured out the one that would’ve been closest to Coney Island and still in the neighborhood of my dad’s apartment building, to be the likely candidate for the location of her playhouse. After that, I just had to figure out which train to take, and I was soon boarding another subway. I hoped she was there, and I hoped she was safe. I would do everything I could to talk her into coming home, but if she didn’t come willingly,

I would have to call Ben. I didn’t want to damage my relationship with Elle or make her mistrust me, but he was worried sick and would need to know as soon as possible where she was, and if she was safe.

As I slid my phone into my pocket, it made a beeping sound. I looked at it once more and frowned when I realized the battery was almost completely discharged. I should’ve plugged it in last night, but I’d been distracted by other things. If I was lucky, I’d have one emergency call, but that was about it.

CHAPTER 13