Just Add Spice

Her hair was a mess, all disheveled and unruly from her night. Yet she was still so damn alluring.

“That is true on a lot of levels,” she said of his comment. “But the bottom line is that I am not normal, and trying to live a normal life just doesn’t work for me. And people get hurt because of it. You can’t tell me your family didn’t feel slighted because I could only engage for minutes at a time—and mostly just nodded my head and smiled as they bombarded me with conversation.”

He cupped her face with his hands. “My family thinks you’re extremely gracious. Nice, polite. A little subdued, sure.” He chuckled. “But they understand that’s your heritage—it’s different than ours. They only wanted to make you feel welcomed, Jen.”

A tear sat on the rim of her eye. “I know.” It trickled down her cheek.

Rafe sighed. “You did great with them at the restaurant. Aunt Zelda came into the kitchen to say how beautiful you looked and that it was so wonderful to see you. She said it’s obvious you love Sampogna’s because I do. And that you want it to succeed…for me.”

“That’s true.”

“How can they not think highly of you, Jen? They see things beyond our failed marriage. And honestly…so do we. Otherwise,” he looked deep into her watery eyes, “we wouldn’t have stayed in touch. We would’ve let what we shared simply fade into the distance. Instead, you’ve held on as much as I have. You, the one who’s always leaving and letting go. You didn’t do that with me or my family. Or with us.”

Rafe tucked a curl behind her ear.

Continuing, he said, “Look how easy it was for you to call Tonio and Gio to tell them you wanted to create your food and wine pairings. And how comfortable you were in my kitchen, dancing half-naked, fully letting loose? Something I suspect you never get to do…and wouldn’t even if you did, except in a place where you feel at—”

She pressed a finger to his lips. “Don’t say that word, Rafe. It practically gives me hives and you know it.”

He moved her hand from his mouth. “Fine. You know where I’m going with this. My family doesn’t think of us as divorced.” He eyed her pointedly. “Do we?”

Shock flickering in her eyes.

That she didn’t glance away was encouraging.

Rafe added, “I’m not trying to make any declarations here, or put you on the spot. I’ve got all of these thoughts in my head and feelings in my heart and I can’t make heads or tails of them. But I do know one thing.”

“What’s that?” she asked, her tone breathless, more tears pooling in her shimmering eyes.

“If two people love each other enough, how can they not find a way to make it work?”

She let out another long breath. “I don’t know, Rafe. And my head hurts too much right now to think about it.” She groaned. “No, that’s not it at all. I do want to think about it. I just…I have way too many emotions pressing in on me tonight. You know I don’t skirt accountability, but I can’t sort through all of this, either. I don’t like what I’ve done to you or to Tad. I push people away. I started doing it when I was seven. I realized that tonight when I told Tad about my very first friend. I was jealous of her and I couldn’t comprehend all the things she had that I didn’t.”

Her eyes squeezed shut and she added, “I’m ashamed I’m this way, Rafe.”

“Jen.” He pushed hair from her face and brushed tears from her face. “Since when is being human something to be ashamed of? You’ve told me you have your re

asons for feeling the way you do—and I don’t discount those reasons. I never have. After tonight, I highly doubt Tad will, either. He didn’t know some of the things I knew. And maybe there are things he knows about you that I don’t. But here’s a newsflash for you. You care enough about both of us to try to fill in gaps and bridge some of the distance that comes with your situation.”

She grimaced. “Don’t you mean my mental illness?”

“It’s not a disease, sweetheart. It’s an inherent affliction. Something emotional you suffer from. And I know more about it now than when we were married, because you’re finally opening up to me. You could have gone into the ladies room or my office tonight to recover from my family. You didn’t. You let me see how it affected you. And you didn’t shrug off Tad’s hurt feelings. You told him what he wanted to know. Do you see my point here?”

“I’m making progress?”

The hopeful look in her eyes made him smile. “You’re not the only one.”

She kissed his chest, her lips soft against his skin. “Maybe Tad will too. He hasn’t told his parents yet that he’s gay.”

Rafe snickered. “You think it’s a secret?”

“Well, they haven’t heard it directly from him. And I know they’re waiting to. I see it sometimes when they come to visit him on a job. It’s in their eyes—will he finally tell us so we can talk about this as a family?”

Her voice quavered. Something choked her up. But she didn’t elaborate. Rather, she shook her head and said, “Anyway. I just feel bad I never quite live up to anyone’s expectations. I don’t intentionally upset people, Rafe. I’m just not skilled at being everything I’m supposed to be. Outside of work, that is.”

Because that was a controlled environment? Because she was the one who was in charge when she was working? Granted, her projects were group efforts—what with collaborating with owners, staff, Tad, vendors and her production crew. But at the end of the day, everyone put their eggs in Jenna’s basket and let her run the show.

Rafe had not done that when it came to their marriage. He’d demanded a little more than equal say, admittedly. And that had pushed her right out the door. But not out of his life. She still loved him, she’d told him as much.