Scandals and Secrets

With spirits high and pulse galloping, she stepped out of the lift on the fourth floor, eager to have her husband's arms around her, to have him kiss her as he'd kissed her at the airport the other day. Too bad if he was deeply involved with his writing. She was going to insist he leave it and give her his full attention. No doubt. he would be holed up in his study, his handsome face buried in the computer screen. But nothing was going to save him from being seduced today. Nothing!

Gemma's grin faded to a frown as she opened their apartment door. Nathan's raised voice was coming through the closed double doors that led

into the living room, sounding so impassioned that Gemma was shocked into stillness, her hand on the doorknob, her case still in the hallway outside. His next words came crystal-clear to her startled ears, and their content staggered her.

'So what if it was just sex last night?' Nathan scoffed angrily. 'And the night before. When has it ever been anything other than just sex between us?'

Gemma paled, her hand tightening over the knob as Lenore's voice flung a furious reply.

'When has it ever been anything else but just sex for you with any woman?'

Nathan laughed.

Despite her being already frozen with shock and horror, that cold laughter chilled Gemma to the bones. 'You think I didn't love you that night all those years,' Lenore swept on, 'when we made a baby together? You think that was only sex for me?'

'I know it was.' Scornfully.

'You bastard!'

'Nothing is to be achieved by calling names. Why don't you come over here and stop being a fool? Besides, you can hardly flounce out of here in a temper. You're not properly dressed.'

Gemma had to stuff a fist into her mouth to stop an anguished groan from escaping. A muffled groan did find its way through those hideous doors, however, and Gemma thought she would die.

'I should never have let you talk me into coming here,' Lenore cried. 'I should never have let you touch me. You've always been bad news for women. God, but I hate you.'

'Shall we see how much?' he taunted.

'No, don't! Oh ... oh, God, I'm hopeless .. .'

Gemma couldn't stand another second of such emotional torture, but the wild urge to burst in on them and create an embarrassing scene was superseded by feelings of pained pride. Why should she humiliate herself in front of two such shameless creatures? They wouldn't really care, except in how being caught out would affect their cruelly selfish and amoral lives.

But oh, God, the betrayal hurt as she'd never been hurt before. Nothing compared with the vice-like pain gripping her heart, nor the wintry emptiness within, as though her soul had been sucked dry by some huge emotional vacuum cleaner.

Gemma somehow managed to close the door, hoist her carry-all up on to her shoulder and pick up her suitcase. She didn't take the lift. She went down the fire stairs, quite slowly, each shuddering step like a death-knell, her mind disbelieving of how quickly her excited happiness had been changed to despair.

Tears filled her eyes and flooded over, running down her cheeks. She didn't stop to wipe them away. Neither did she stop going down those steps. If she did, she would surely sag down into a wretched impotent huddle, and once she did that she would not have the energy or the courage to do anything or go anywhere. Nathan might accidentally find her there and she couldn't bear to hear the lies he was sure to come up with to explain what she'd overheard.

Gemma exited the building and turned to walk up the streets and around the corner, no real destination in her mind. She just wanted to get as far away from Nathan and Lenore as she could. The act of walking was a salvation in itself, for having to put one foot in front of the other had a kind of robotic comfort. Gradually, the breeze dried the tears on Gemma's cheeks and she felt the pieces of her shattered soul gradually reassemble into something that was capable of making decisions.

Not that she was whole again. Her heart would never be whole again, she recognized bleakly. It would remain broken, but a type of glueing together was taking place as she walked, her bewildered despair giving way to the human survival technique of cynicism and anger.

You shouldn't be surprised, Gemma, a bitter voice berated. You had plenty of clues that Nathan hadn't married you for love, no matter what he claimed. True love does not keep its emotional distance, nor harbor dark secrets. It is open and trusting and warm and wonderful. Nathan, on far too many occasions, was secretive and distrusting and cold and downright wicked. Look at the way he enslaved your senses, turned you into little more than a sexual puppet. If he's been patient with you lately, it was because he had other fish to fry. He didn't need to make love to you because he was having an affair with Lenore!