Texas Pride

He felt like a caged animal begging to be set free.

The Best Actor nominees were announced while scenes from their films were shown. It took several minutes to get through it all. The regulars were there: Clooney, Pitt, Penn. As Austin’s name was read, the cast sitting behind him clapped a little louder throwing in a few whoops and hollers. Cara leaned in to whisper in his ear as the camera panned in on him.

“Focus in, Austin. They’re reading your name. It’s almost over.” She kissed his cheek. He smiled the smile he knew people loved and lifted his head to watch the clip of the movie. The actress giving the award, Meryl Streep, fanned herself after watching him cry by his dying son’s hospital bed before she opened the envelope and grinned.

“And the Oscar goes to… Austin Grainger!”

He kept the smile on his face and stood. Cara stood with him. It was like he was in robot mode. She kissed him lightly on the lips before he turned to have the young director hug him tight.

“You deserve this, Austin.” The director held him a moment longer in the tight embrace. Austin pulled back to see tears in the young man’s eyes. He forced himself to turn, reminding his brain this meant so much to so many.

Austin took the steps up to the stage as various well-wishers congratulated him along the way. Meryl stood waiting for him and handed him the trophy before hugging and kissing him on the cheek. She’d been one of his mentors from the very beginning when he’d played her son in one of his very first roles.

He accepted the award and turned to the audience united in a standing ovation still clapping wildly for him. The fact that he couldn’t even muster a serious emotion at winning this award and having his colleagues and peers cheer him on proved beyond any doubt he was more than just burned out.

Austin was a man in hiding and past tired of it all. A stray thought occurred to him as he took a deep breath, preparing to speak. He wondered if he would be standing here right now if anyone in this room knew the truth about him.

“Thank you, Meryl. This is such an honor. I want to thank…” And then he started the long list of acknowledgments in the memorized acceptance speech he’d prepared. When he was done, they kept him back stage. It seemed the organizers finally clued in on just how late they ran.

Next, the winner of the Director’s award was announced. Not surprising, his film’s director won. Immediately following that presentation, they won the award for Best Picture, requiring the entire crew to go up on stage. Austin stood in the back, letting everyone else involved in the film have their moment.

~~~~~~

“This is it for you. You’re ending your career, leaving it all behind. I understand you’re taking off right after this interview?” Katie Seymour of Good Morning America asked. They sat together in the back of the cleared out Kodak Theater. It was four in the morning, and Austin had done the entire press circuit just like his contract required him to do.

“Yes. I’m done, this is it for me. It’s time to get back to the basics.” Austin perched on his director’s style chair gently bouncing his leg. He was antsy to be done, counting the minutes until he never ever in his life had to do this again.

“It’s hard being this famous? Maybe not cracked up to be what everyone thinks it is?”

“It’s hard when you can’t leave your house without the constant flash of cameras following you everywhere you go.” Austin nodded as he spoke. “I love so many parts of all this. The professionals I’ve met along the way, and my fans, but the media’s become too tough, too aggressive. It’s no kind of life.”

“What about the rumors? Are any of those hard to deal with, Austin?” Katie leaned forward, getting more serious as she spoke, but he didn’t bite. He leaned back and became more casual as he sat there.

“Nah, not at all. I don’t listen to any of that mess.” Austin forced his leg to still and put his game face on as he answered that question. He was an award winning actor; surely he could pull off passive.

“None?” she persisted.

“No, not any. I won’t let anyone tell me about them either. I stay away from all that. The gossip, the made-up stories, reviews…I don’t pay attention to any of it,” Austin replied.

“So there’s no chance I can ask you about some of them now, or the constant speculation on your sexuality.” The way she said it, it was a question as well as a statement.

“No, I don’t address any of it.” It was the absolute truth.

“It’s four in the morning here in California, but seven in New York. You’ve been so gracious to stay up and talk to us. Thank you so much, and we wish you well on your future endeavors. But, I have to say that you will be missed. And, I for one will be looking forward to your return.”

Austin stayed quiet, letting the anchor finish while the screen went black before he stood up.

Katie got up to shake his hand. “Good luck.”

Austin’s tie hung open around his neck, along with the first few buttons on his dress shirt. He held his Oscar in his hand as they expected him to do. His agent stood off to the side like he’d done most of the night. Now, he came forward to take the trophy. “Thank you for signing all those photos. My nieces will love them.”

“Anytime,” Austin said as he tried to distance himself from the situation by taking a couple of steps backward toward the dressing rooms.

“Good luck! You deserve to find that peace you’re looking for,” Katie called after him. Her gaze never left his. But Katie was gay. She got it, and it was clear in her eyes.

“Thank you,” he muttered with a nod. The sentiment felt sincere, so sincere it caught him off guard. He turned away, his legs eating up the distance to the dressing room he’d been assigned for the night. Seth’s legs worked double time to stay caught up with him.