Cupid's Arrow (Devils Rejects MC 4)

Chapter Twenty

—Mandy

Ryan’s words sink in and I know I’m a pathetic excuse of a woman—of a wife and of a mother to be. He’s right. I’m a terrible person and it is my fault in a way. I could have gone to him and told him that Zo Zo was threatening me, but I was jealous and weak. I had drove by the house a few times and saw Ryan and MaryAnn together. They were always happy and smiling.

MaryAnn was getting everything that I had wanted when I came back months ago. The night we created our baby. No, not our baby. Even that is a lie too. My baby isn’t Ryan’s it was some random guy at a bar. I knew I was pregnant when we slept together. I’m further along than I told him. I am five months along. Not three and a half. I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe I wasn’t thinking at all. I don’t even know anymore.

Once Ryan goes down to the basement, I sneak upstairs and wait until the room clears before I go in. I lock the door behind me and stare at the woman who owns Ryan’s heart. She’s not so beautiful right now but I remember her from before. She was always nice to me even though I didn’t deserve her kindness. I used to laugh at her with Stephanie. How pathetic were we.

As I stare at her I feel like it should be me laying here with a swollen eye and bloody lip. It should be me with her ribs taped and her arm in a splint.

It should have been me. I deserved this. Not her.

Her hair is matted and needs combed. I pull out the brush I carry from my purse and pull up a chair.

“I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you could then I suppose you’d be screaming for me to get out of here and I wouldn’t blame you. I wouldn’t want me here either. I want you to know that I’m sorry for this…for everything. I never should have tried to come between you and Ryan. He loves you. More than he ever loved me, but he was better to me than I deserved. I was a shit wife. I cheated on him so many times and he took me back. I don’t know why. You’d have to ask him that, but I suspect he doesn’t even know the reason himself. You’re going to be okay, you kno

w. You and Ry, you’ll be okay too. It won’t be easy, but I need you to forgive him for whatever he said or whatever he did. You are who he should be with. He deserves to be happy and to have the family he has always dreamed of.”

I finish brushing her hair and she opens one eye to look at me. She takes a breath and her eye closes.

“Goodbye, MaryAnn. Make sure you tell him…tell him that part of me did love him.”

“I will,” she whispers out low and in pain. Even though she can’t see me, I nod and put my brush back in my purse.

I get back in my car and I feel relieved. It’s over. Well…almost. I drive to the house one last time and take a look around. I remember the day we moved in. How proud he was because it was bought and paid for. He had so many plans for us and our future. It terrified me. Ryan’s lifestyle was not what I had imagined for myself. I don’t know what I thought I wanted but this…what happened to MaryAnn wasn’t it.

I feel sick. Like a horrible monster. I may not have thrown the punches, but I am just as guilty of hurting her and I forced Ryan to be a part of it.

I don’t know how I got here to this point in my life but I’m sorry. I don’t deserve to live. I don’t deserve to be a mom.

I walk into the kitchen and take out a pen and paper from the junk drawer.

Ryan,

I’m sorry seems so insignificant. There are no words for what I did or who I have become. I blamed you for my actions when it was all me. I ruined our marriage. I cheated and accused you. I destroyed our futures. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I hope MaryAnn finds it in her heart to forgive. I know you love her and you have so much good inside you and so much love to give. Don’t let her push you away. Don’t be bitter and ugly like me. Everything I said to you that day at the farm, it was a lie. I’m not carrying your son. He’s the bastard of a random faceless man I met in a bar. I wanted it to be you, because I knew you’d make a good father and I hope you still get that chance. I hope that you go forward in your life and enjoy it to the fullest. Tell my folks I’m sorry and I send them all my love from up above or from wherever I am. I love you too in my own twisted way. Part of me thinks that despite it all you loved me too.

All my love,

Mandy

Chapter Twenty-One

—Cupid

Hades wouldn’t let me see Zo Zo yet and MaryAnn is resting. Only thing I can do I guess is go home and deal with Mandy. I don’t want to, but we need to be on the same page about this baby. I said some mean things to her. Most of them I meant but she’s not responsible for what Z did to Maryann. Sure, she played her part in it all, but I did too. I’m pissed off and needed someone to take my anger out on. A pregnant woman never should have been my target.

I had to drive MaryAnn’s car to come home. I had left my bike here last night and I was driving Mandy’s car. She took it when she left the clubhouse about an hour ago. I shut the ignition off and scrub a hand over my face. As much I am trying to fight it, I need sleep. It’s been a rough twenty-four hours. As I am getting out of the car, I hear what sounds like a firework going off. The noise came from my house. I run for the door and jerk it open to find Mandy on the floor with a hole in her temple.

I pull my phone out and dial emergency services, but as I feel for a pulse I know she’s gone. Her blank dead stare will haunt me forever. Brushing my fingers over her eyelids, I close them, unable to bear the sight. Blood pools out from under her head. Her lips are still warm when I kiss them. “Rest in peace, darlin’.”

I feel like my life is going up in flames as I hear the sirens in the distance. A police officer rushes in with his gun trained on me. “Freeze.”

I hold my hands up and don’t complain or put up a fight as he handcuffs me. I know it’s a precaution. The paramedics enter and then ask for the coroner to call the time of death. I’m placed in the back of the squad car while they secure the scene. Once the body is removed, the officer uncuffs me. I don’t know if he is following proper procedure or not. I’m just glad he isn’t hauling my ass in for murder. I know what he walked in on didn’t look good. A dead pregnant woman and a known outlaw sitting next her with a gun on the floor and a whole in her head.

“You Ryan?”

“Yes, sir. This is my house and the woman is my ex-wife.”