Quadruple Duty: All or Nothing

I felt a swell of pride at her genuine astonishment. Of anyone I knew — even Cindy — Dawn had the best historic eye. She and I loved all the same things. We shared the same sense of wonder and awe, whenever it came to places like this.

“Would you like to see it on the inside?” I asked, without even thinking. “It’s even nicer in here. I could make coffee.”

I couldn’t believe I’d said it! And yet, I was actually relieved. A big part of me was happy to not have to look back at Dawn, and what happened between us, in a negative light for the rest of my life. Some of the times we shared together had actually been good ones. We’d built something special. Accomplished great things together…

“I wish I could,” she said anxiously, glancing back over her shoulder. “But I’ve got the dogs in the car. Right now they’re probably climbing all over each other. Freaking out that I’m gone.”

I looked at her and blinked. “You’ve got five German Shepherd puppies crawling around in your car?”

Dawn laughed merrily. “Yeah.”

I glanced at her car, then back at her, then back at her car again. Stepping outside the house, I closed the door.

“Show me.”

Twenty-One

SAMMARA

He was the cutest, cuddliest, most delicious thing I’d ever laid eyes on! And he was all mine. All mine to hug, and kiss, and sleep with and—

Annnnd… there he was, shitting on the living room floor.

A dog, Sammara? Are you crazy?

It probably was a little crazy, but I just didn’t care. The house already seemed less empty with my newfound friend running around from room to room, zooming up the hallways, skidding clumsily across the recently polished, two-hundred year old oaken floor.

“Bad Sarge!” I cried, with not even the slightest bit of authority in my voice. “Outside!”

Sarge looked at me quizzically, tilting his head to one side. One ear flopped backwards and he stuck his tongue out at me in a look so cute, so adorable…

I could just die.

The name had seemed like a good one, and I thought the guys would like it. All of them were well past sergeant, so at least if they didn’t like him they’d outrank him immediately.

And who couldn’t like furry, tail-wagging, adorable puppy?

I got a lot done in the days and weeks after that. I picked up the house a bit, and stocked the shelves in the pantry. It made me feel good to go out and buy every single thing the guys liked, so that it would be there for them when they got back.

And I knew they’d get back soon. Actually I was sure of it. Every time I doubted it for an instant, Sarge would put his little chin in my lap and look up at me with his big, chocolate eyes until whatever worry I might’ve been building up had gone away.

I taught our new puppy how to play, how to fetch, and how to stop chewing on the irreplaceable turn-of-last-century furniture. I soon had him housebroken, at least for the most part, and whenever he was particularly riled up I’d wear him out on a long, beautiful walk around the lake.

We went to work together too. Sarge enjoyed touring job sites with me, and took a particular liking to Cindy. She was one of those rare people who let dogs lick their entire face, which at first I thought was pretty gross, but that was only until I’d gotten a dog.

“Think the guys are gonna like him?” I asked fearfully.

“Like him?” Cindy cried, rubbing Sarge violently behind both ears. “They’re gonna love him!”

I certainly hoped so. I knew Kyle had grown up with dogs, and Ryan once worked alongside members of the K-9 Corps. Those were bomb-sniffing dogs though. I hoped nothing terrible had happened during his time around them. Anything that might sour him to the whole idea of falling in love with Sarge.

Being able to leave the puppy at the office even gave me the courage to do something I’d been putting off: scheduling my HSG test. I took it bright and early on a Monday morning, holding my breath as they injected the dye and positioned the X-Ray machine over my abdomen. It felt warm, and not terribly comfortable. But it didn’t hurt. And the doctor was both kind and gentle, and the whole thing was over before I knew it.

But now you’ll know…

It was the one thing I was dreading even more than the test itself: getting the results. Knowing for sure whether or not I could bear children, or whether I had fertility problems that might prevent us from becoming an even bigger family.

You did the right thing, Sammara. You can’t run from this forever.