Taking the Fall (1-4)

“Me?” I ask.

“Yes, you. I wasn’t prepared. Your father did a wonderful job hiding you. I didn’t even know you were there. I’m not sure how he did it because I can’t imagine anyone not noticing you,” he says softly as he strokes my cheek.

“He never let me go anywhere. He said people would use me against him. I never understood why he had me. I was just kept caged away.”

“Baby, I never planned to use you against him. Hell, I didn’t even know you were there. When I walked in that room and saw you, I knew I was fucked. I wasn’t prepared. I did this to you.”

“Did what to me, Carter? I don’t get what you mean. The only thing you ever did to me was push me away.”

“Apparently I didn’t do a very good job of it.”

“What does that mean? You don’t want me?” I hate how my words come out in a whine.

“No. That’s not it. I just meant everyone could see I wanted you and I think your father saw it most of all. He tried to test me and I failed. He would throw random women at me that I would push away. You controlled my every thought. It was fucked up and I knew it. You were too young but I couldn’t help myself. And, Cherry, you sure in the fuck didn’t try to help. It seemed like at every turn, you were all but tumbling into my lap.”

I knew what he was saying was true. I did anything and everything to get his attention and hold it. I’m just as much to blame for that.

“But when I looked at you I saw so much light and innocence – something I’d never seen before. I wanted it. I wanted you so damn bad, and my plans started to slip through my fingers. Vengeance wasn’t sounding so sweet anymore. I didn’t have a cover in place to stay in your father’s crew long and I knew it was only a matter of time before he found out who I was. I tried to cover my tracks the best I could, but some people just can’t be bought. I felt it coming and I knew I had to get out of there and take you with me. I didn’t care anymore about taking him down. I just wanted you out of there, because we all know what your father uses against men to control them.”

“The women they love,” I whisper.

“Bingo. I knew I could have you. You wanted me, I could see it in your eyes. I also knew you were too young, but I thought fuck it. We’ll run. I’ve got the money for the shit I’ve been doing on the streets for the past ten years. I’d get us out of the country, let you grow up a little, and then we could be together.”

“What went wrong?” I ask. That night is still so patchy for me and I’m ready for him to fill in the hole.

“He caught me. I always had eyes on you, Cherry. I’ve had them on you for the past eight years, even when I wasn’t there. I told you we had to run. I had someone slip you a note. Then I got word that they knew. By the time I got there…” Carter closes his eyes like he’s in pain, as if he’s seeing it all over again.

“I found you like I found my mom but you were still breathing. Thank God. Like I told you I called the cops, I didn’t care if I went to jail for the murder I committed while getting to you, whatever got you to the hospital faster. I got word to Saint, the one person I knew who would have my back and told him I would be going in, that I needed him on you. But when you came to and didn’t remember, your father acted like nothing happened. He brought you back home, and you had no idea, no memory of the danger you escaped. I let it be because I knew he was just waiting for me to get out so he could use you against me. I knew that, until then, you were safe. Your father doesn’t fear much but he’s scared of me – so scared that he was willing to use you against me. Then you came to the prison that day. I was trying to make it seem like I had no interest in you. Even tried to play if off like I blamed you so that maybe your father wouldn’t hurt you in an attempt to get at me. I know it was a reach but I was desperate.”

I wrap my arms around Carter tighter. It breaks my heart to think of all he went through – that he was willing to drop all he had worked for to be with me, the daughter of the man who took his family from him. “I love you,” I say, letting him know I understand now.

Standing up, he places me on my feet. “You don’t get it, do you?” he asks, looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.

“Get what, Carter?”

“I fucked up your life because I’m a selfish bastard. My plans of ruining your father’s life fell back on you. You should hate me. You should be screaming at me to get out and get away from you. I thought if I could hide parts of the story from you, that I could keep you. Fuck, I’m already a bastard so why not? That’s what I thought to myself. I was so fucking happy when you told me you were carrying my baby. I knew you were tied to me then. No way could you shake me free now. I could justify it more to myself. I was able to rationalize why I could keep you.”

“It’s not like that,” I say, but he isn’t hearing me.

“How goddamn crazy is it that in my plans of destroying your father, I actually got a family. What kind of fucked up shit is that?”