I better get it over with now.
Before I start to think of her as mine.
It’s too late.
With a mounting dense of doom, I carry the angel toward the stairs, feeling as though I’m a pallbearer at my own funeral. I should count myself lucky for having the privilege of holding her for even a minute, though.
Gratitude. I hold on to it on my way up toward the light.
Chapter Two
Fawn
I’ve never been warmer or safer in my whole life.
He’s a giant. An actual giant has come to rescue me.
And I knew who he was the second I heard his voice.
It’s the man from the forest.
My father doesn’t always keep me chained in the basement. Only when I forget to come home on time from my walks or one of his friends starts looking at me funny. That’s when he drags me down there by my hair and slaps the shackles on. I never know when it’s coming and oftentimes, he keeps me there for as long as a week. I’ve found a way to make the time pass—a very enjoyable way. Unfortunately, the lightbulb in the basement went out a few hours ago, so I haven’t been able to read the old, beat-up notebooks I found hidden in the wall. No one knows about the erotic stories, except for me. And whoever wrote them, I suppose.
It might have been my mother, but there’s no way of knowing for sure.
This man, Benny, is the leading man I’ve been picturing while reading those scandalous tales. He’s been occupying my dreams ever since the first time I spied on him in the woods. How many times have I imagined my palms tracing the mountainous slope of his shoulders? How many times have I imagined him laying me down and settling all that glorious weight on top of me, his mouth moving roughly over mine?
Hundreds of times? Thousands?
We’ve almost reached the top of the stairs now and tension begins to riddle my spine. What if my father tries to stop Benny from taking me?
Then I relax.
Nothing can stop my giant.
The creak of the floorboards tells me we’re in the hallway now, moving toward the kitchen. “Find anyone, Beat Down?” calls a man whose voice I don’t recognize.
Benny’s wraps an arm around the small of my back. “Please don’t be scared,” he says to me, his thumb brushing side to side on my spine. “I wouldn’t harm a hair on your head.”
“Of course not,” I murmur, giving in to the impulse to kiss his neck. A gold chain is draped there, too, and I want more than anything to slide my tongue underneath it, suck the heavy piece of jewelry into my mouth. But this isn’t one of the stories I found hidden in the wall. This is real life. And I don’t want Benny to think I’m too eager.
Even though I am.
I’ve been dreaming of his hips between my thighs for so long. Now that they are there, I am growing terribly wet, soaking the cotton material of my panties. Oh lord, I can’t wait for him to take my virginity. I’ve been thinking about it for so long, aching to offer myself to this man.
This gentle giant who I watch rescue animals in the woods.
This man who nurses them back to health and releases them with his big, scarred hands.
If he knew I’ve been spying on him, he might be creeped out, though, so I better keep that little piece of information to myself.
“When are we going to be alone?” I breathe into his neck, inhaling the scent of burning wood and spice. “I want to be alone with you,” I whisper, wrapping my legs tighter around him.
He groans, his steps faltering slightly.
In the erotic stories I’ve been reading since I turned fourteen, the man and woman would already be intimate by now. My body is pulsing in secret places, my nipples tender, starved for the feel of Benny’s lust. I want to wrap myself up in him and never let go. I never expected him to rescue me. I always thought one day I would work up enough courage to introduce myself to him in the forest, maybe while he’s bandaging the wing of a bird. But this is better. So much better. Fate must have known I couldn’t wait for him any longer.
“You might want to, uh…have a look at me, girl,” he rasps, hesitating on the threshold of the kitchen. “Before you carry on saying things like that.”
What does Benny mean, have a look at him?
Does he think I won’t find him attractive?
Well I can’t very well tell him I not only find him irresistible, but my mind has been made up for a long time that I will belong to him. He can’t know I’ve been spying on him or he’ll think I’m weird. Or he’ll think I’m controlled by my body’s urges. Didn’t my father shame my mother for the very same thing?