Artemis
“I am presently a dissatisfied customer. Urgency on delivery is required.”
“Understood.”
“Maybe I should find another porter to deliver? If you’re too busy.”
I frowned at my Gizmo.
“Don’t be an asshole.”
“Let’s talk this over in person. I’m available all day.”
“I’ll be over in a bit.” I put the Gizmo back in my pocket.
“You look pissed,” said Billy. “And I don’t mean drunk.”
“Customer-service issue,” I said. “Gonna have to smooth it over in person.”
“Cancel that second beer, then?”
I sighed. “Yeah. I guess I better.”
—
I walked up to the Landvik estate’s main entrance and rang the chime.
No answer. Huh. That was odd. Where was Irina and her trademark scowl? I’d already worked out some choice smartass things to say to her.
I rang again. Still nothing.
That’s when I noticed the damage on the door. Just a little scuffing at the edge. Right about where you’d put a crowbar if you wanted to break in. I winced. “Aww, come on…”
I pushed open the door and peeked into the foyer. No sign of Irina or Trond. A decorative vase lay on the ground next to its usual display pedestal. A splash of bright-red blood on the wall—
“Nope!” I said.
I spun on my heel and stormed back into the hallway. “Nope, nope, nope!”
Dear Kelvin,
For the next shipment I’ll need three kilograms of loose tobacco, fifty packets of rolling papers, twenty lighters, and ten cans of lighter fluid.
I found us a new revenue stream: spray-foam insulation. Turns out it’s great for noise insulation, and believe me, noise is a real problem here. Especially in the shittier areas of town like where I live. The foam’s flammable once it dries, so it’s contraband. But if we can sell silence to folks in low-rent neighborhoods, they’ll pay anything to get it.
As for special orders, I landed us a whale. He wants La Aurora brand Dominican cigars. You’ll have to special order them. Pay whatever you need for rush shipment to Kenya. We’re going to make a mint off this guy. He’ll probably want a new batch every month, so stock up.
Last month’s profits were 21,628g. Your half is 10,814g. How do you want it?
How are your sisters? Did you get everything squared away with Halima’s asshole ex-husband?
Dear Jazz,
Okay, I’ll get all those items in the next supply probe. It launches in nine days. Great idea on the foam insulation. I’ll poke around and find the best noise-reduction-to-mass ratio and send you a case. We’ll see how it sells.
Please convert my share to euros and wire it to my German account.
Yes, Halima’s husband has been dealt with. He’s no longer trying to get custody of Edward. He never wanted it, anyway. He just wanted me to buy him off. So I did. Thank God for our operation, Jazz. I have no idea what my family would do without it.
Kuki just headed off to college in Australia. She’s training to become a civil engineer. We’re all very proud of her. Faith is getting good grades in high school, though she’s a little more interested in boys than we’d like. And Margot is turning out to be quite an athlete. She’s now a first-string forward for her football team.