Hard Freak

He stared at the television. “You see a better side of me than I could ever see in myself.”

I reached up, stroking his chest. I was sure he knew that everyone had warned me off him. Even the people closest to him, Damo and Elijah, thought he was too dark. Did that hurt him? It couldn’t be nice, having everyone mistrust you like that.

“I can make you see that side.”

“I think you could, Firecracker.”

That was the first time he’d used Elijah’s nickname for me. I hated that name, but when Crow said it, with that quiet inflection, it made my heart skip a beat.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he added.

Jeez, why was everyone on the “hurt me” thing? It wasn’t like people didn’t get hurt every day.

“I’m tougher than I look,” I said. “Give me a chance. Give us a chance. You can’t keep running forever.”

He didn’t answer, he just kissed me. He lowered his face, his lips grazing against mine in the most annoyingly teasing way. I put my arm around his neck, pulling him closer, but he resisted.

I wasn’t sure if I was a fan of this “going slow” thing. What had happened to the slamming against the wall?

But as he deepened the kiss, my insides went all gooey. That kiss shot through me, right down... Hell, I wanted to climb onto his lap and rub myself against him, but I held back. I needed him to take the lead. If I pushed things now, I might ruin this moment.

He kept on kissing, and I liked it a lot. Slowly, he pressed me against the back of the sofa. I tangled my hands in his hair. I loved to feel that hair, so surprisingly soft.

I could keep kissing him like this for a long, long time, but eventually, he pulled away from me and stood up.

I looked up at him.

“I’ve got to go, Fay,” he said.

Ouch. Again.

“No,” I whispered.

I stood up and pressed myself to him. I couldn’t handle all this stopping.

He put his hands gently on my shoulders and stepped back. “Don’t make this any more difficult for me. I can’t stay. We have to take things slowly, okay?”

I nodded slowly. “But we are going to take things?” I asked.

Oh, I wanted to take things with Crow, slowly or not. So long as there were things there.

“I guess so.”

Yes! I wanted to leap around the room, doing a dance of joy. I wanted to punch the air. I wanted to scream and let the world know. I was pretty darn happy. Instead, I bit my lip, not trusting myself to speak.

“But we have to talk to Polly. I’m not sneaking around behind her back.”

“You don’t need her permission,” I told him. “She’s not the boss of me.”

Wow, that wasn’t the best way to prove I was an adult. I could’ve phrased that much better.

“I don’t need her permission,” he said. “But I’d like everything above board. We all have to live to together in this crazy rock circus, and the only way for that to work is to be honest. So, no more sneaking around. No more running away, either.”

I nodded. If we were official, I wouldn’t need to. We’d be official. I could call him my boyfriend, and we could share a room and be perfect sweethearts.

“I’m fine with that.”

“Fay, we need to take things very slow.”

What did slow mean? No sharing rooms? No all-night hot and sweaty sex sessions? I wasn’t a fan of slow. I wanted it all, and I wanted it now.

“You don’t need to,” I said, looking up at him. “I’m ready. I’m totally ready. We can go as far as you like. You don’t have to hold back for my sake.”

“I’m not doing it for your sake,” he said. “I’m doing it for my own. This is a huge step for me.”

He grimaced. I’d never thought of it from his side, but I guessed this was as much a huge step for him as it was for me. Although neither of us had spelled it out, we weren’t just talking about sex. Sex was nothing compared to the immensity of my feelings for him. Holding back my feelings was like trying to stop a dam from bursting, but maybe it wasn’t like that for Crow.

“You’ll talk to her on Tuesday?” I said.

“I’ll talk to Damo first. If he’s on our side, it’ll be a hundred times easier.”