If You Fall (Brimstone 1)

I bent down on one knee and took her hands in mine, looking at them while I tried to figure out the best way to tell her the truth. She had nice hands, her fingers fine, her nails short and well groomed. There was a faint indention on the middle finger of her left hand, from the ring she wore – Dan’s ring. She’d recently taken it off and I realized she had finally stopped wearing it.

I glanced up in her eyes and despite the choke in my throat, I spoke. “I should have told you everything right away. I fell a little bit in love with you from reading your letters to Dan.” My throat was dry and I had to clear it before I could speak further. “When I met you, I fell even more. I wanted you for myself. I didn’t want you to know how I got the letters because then you’d hate me.”

Her face was unreadable. “Why would I hate you? You got them by accident, right?”

I shook my head, emotion welling up inside of me. I looked down, unable to meet her eyes. “I was there when Dan died.”

I felt her reaction rather than saw it, in how her hand squeezed into a fist.

“What?” she said, her voice a whisper.

I nodded, holding her fist in my hands, wishing I could make her pain go away. I decided to tell her the whole truth, even the parts I wasn’t supposed to tell.

“His team came to rescue us. I’m really not supposed to say anything about it because we were testing some classified technology for the CIA when our MRAP – our armored vehicle – struck an IED.”

“You were there,” she whispered, her voice totally emotionless.

“Yes.” I finally looked up and saw the shock written on her face, which was now flushed pink. “I got this,” I said and pointed to the scar on my neck, “when the IED exploded and sent a piece of shrapnel into my neck. We were on our way back to our Forward Operating Base so we could take transport back home. Our GPS failed. We went through what we thought was friendly territory, but it wasn’t. We accidentally crossed the border. That’s why none of the details were made public. We were behind enemy lines in Iran.”

“You were injured in an IED explosion.”

I nodded. “Dan was the medic who saved my life. I was loaded onto his chopper. It went down in the dust storm moments later. Somehow, I survived and was taken to a hospital for triage. I don’t have much memory of anything from a few days before to about a month after but he was killed in the crash. They tried to save him, but he was trapped. He must have brought your letters along with him and somehow they got mixed up with my things when they were able to medevac me out.”

She frowned. “Why you? Why did you get his things? The letters were addressed to Dan.”

I sighed. “My legal name is Daniel Beckett Tate-McNeil. In the aftermath of the crash, they must have thought the letters were mine. I only found them when I went through a box of my personal effects that had been sent back with me in July. They were in an old building I own. I went to check it out so I could sell it, because Graham died and I needed the money.”

She sat in silence and then bowed her head, shaking it slowly. She fought tears, biting her lip, her eyes were brimming.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, my own voice breaking. “I should have told you. I didn’t want you to hate me…”

Of course, it would hurt her to know the truth. What else could I expect? What kind of fool had I been, thinking I could tell her the truth and she’d still want me?

When she said nothing, I started to lose hope. Finally, she stood, her face red, her eyes teary.

“I’m sorry,” she said and shook her head, holding out her hands to stop me when I tried to embrace her. I managed to pull her into my arms before she stopped me, but her body was stiff.

“Miranda…”

“I can’t…”

She pulled away from me and as much as I hated it, I had to release her. When I did, she turned and left.

I wanted to follow her but I knew I couldn’t. I shouldn’t.

She knew the truth now. Her husband died because of me. She was a widow because of me. It wasn’t some routing training action. It was a rescue.

I hadn’t told her the truth from the moment I met her – I deceived her the entire time I was in Topsail Beach, about who I was and that I knew her.

I could have stopped her when she left the office, held her, kissed her, but I knew that what happened next had to be on her terms.

So I let her go.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Miranda

I left the office and found my way back into the club, my mind spinning over what Beckett had just told me. I passed Leah and Brandon, who were still seated at a table.