The Hating Game

“I’m not mad.” His neck is red against his white collar.

“I’m trying to tell you I’m sorry. And I wanted to say thank you, for everything you did for me.”

“And are those pretty daisies for me, then?”

I remember. This might fix everything. “Wait, I did get you a present.”

I pull the little plastic cube topped with the red bow from my purse. I present it to him like a boxed Rolex. His eyes spark with an unidentified emotion before he reassumes his frown.

“Strawberries.”

“You said how much you love them.” The word love has probably never been said in this office, and it gives my voice a weird little tremor. He looks at me sharply.

“I’m surprised you remember anything at all.” He puts the strawberries into his out-tray and logs back onto his computer.

After several more minutes of silence I try again.

“How can I pay you back for . . . everything?” The balance has shifted dramatically between us. I’m in his debt now. I owe him.

“Tell me what I can do. I will do anything.”

What I want to say is, Speak to me. Engage with me. I can’t fix anything if you ignore me.

I watch him continue to type, his face expressionless as a crash test dummy. Stacks of sales figures are to his right and he slashes a green highlighter across them. Meanwhile, I am at complete loose ends with no Helene.

“I’ll clean your apartment for you. I’ll be your slave for the day. I’ll . . . bake you a cake.”

It’s like a soundproof pane has dropped in between us. Or maybe I’ve been erased. I should let him do his work in silence, but I can’t stop talking. He can’t hear me anyway, so it won’t matter if I say this next thing out loud.

“I’ll go with you to the wedding.”

“Be quiet, Lucinda.” So he can hear me.

“I’ll be your designated driver. You can get drunk. You can get so drunk and you’ll have the best time. I’ll be your chauffeur.”

He picks up his calculator and begins to tap. I persevere.

“I’ll drive you home and put you to bed, like you did for me. You can vomit into Tupperware and I’ll rinse it. Then we’ll be even.”

He rests his fingertips on his keyboard and closes his eyes. He seems to be reciting a string of obscenities in his mind. “You don’t even know where the wedding is.”

“Unless it’s in North Korea, I’ll go. When is it?”

“This Saturday.”

“I’m free. It’s settled. Give me your address and I’ll pick you up and everything. Name the time.”

“Pretty presumptuous of you to assume I won’t have a date.”

I nearly open my mouth to retort that I know for a fact I’m his plus-one. Just in time, my cell phone rings. Danny. I swivel my chair a full one hundred eighty degrees. Hasn’t he ever heard of texting?

“Hi, Lucy. Feeling any better? Are we still on for dinner?”

I drop my voice to a whisper. “I’m not sure. I have to go pick up my car and I’ve been feeling pretty shitty.”

“I’ve heard so much about this car of yours.”

“I think it’s silver . . . that’s as much as I can remember of it.”