Unsuitable

“That’s hella creepy,” said Neev.

“It’s whacked. I didn’t have to take my family to my job interview at Macca’s,” Etta said.

Neev put her head on Etta’s shoulder. “But you’re going to get me a job there when I’m old enough, right?” Etta flicked her shoulder and bounced Neev’s head off. “Ow.”

“Looking after a kid isn’t like serving a burger.” Working for Ronald didn’t get you out of bed several times a night, didn’t ruin your ambitions for a love-life, despite the crap uniform and the smell.

A blue light flashed on Etta’s phone and she picked it up. “Have you ever actually served a burger?”

“No, Ett, but you never changed a nappy either. That was all on me.”

Flip leaned over the counter and grabbed his wrist in a sudden panic. “If you tell that Audrey Hepburn woman you changed my nappies, I’ll call you Flop in front of her.”

He peeled her little claws off. “I won’t tell her.”

“What if we wreck it for you?” said Neev. “We should leave Gin at home.”

Reece grunted. “There is that. But you won’t, because you’re my family and you love me.”

All three of them put index fingers to open mouths and made gagging sounds that could probably be heard next door. “Classy.”

Neev said, “We might not be able to help ourselves. We’re like all powerful wreckers of things.”

Reece looked at the screen of his own phone in case there was any last minute text from Audrey. “Try to hold back for an hour.”

“Might not be possible. Gin and me, we have self-control issues,” said Neev.

He pocketed the phone. “I’ll give you self-control issues.”

“No, you’ll give one of us your bedroom on the nights you sleep over,” said Etta.

Neev and Etta high fived. Full on enthusiasm. The twins shared a room and so did Etta and Flip. Getting their grubby bums in his bed had been part of their scheming since he moved back home and Etta’d had to shift back in with Flip. She still carried a grudge about it.

“That’s not even an option.”

Etta took a photo of him. “But why?” She showed it to Neev and they both laughed.

He made a grab for the phone and missed. “Don’t fricking post that anywhere. When I move out, you toss a coin for who gets my room.”

“Mum says she wants to turn it into an office,” said Flip.

Etta posted the pic. She turned her phone to show him. It was mostly shirt and chin. “You’re never moving out. Like never. You’re too old to live at home. And you’re not even ashamed about it.”

This time he snatched the phone. The caption said, ‘What kind of dweeb lives at home at twenty-seven? My brother, the loser.’ If he deleted it, she’d only do something worse. For a whole month she’d tried to take shots of him in the shower. She was after dick shots for some Tumblr site called dicks for girls, that he was not cool enough for and was appalled she knew about. He’d foiled her by wearing his Speedos.

“Why can’t you live with Sky like a regular boyfriend?” she said.

“Why can’t you mind your own business?” he said. So lame.

“But why?” said Flip.

Neev bopped her on the head again.

Etta took her phone out of his hand. “You making us come to your interview is putting us in your business.”

He hung his head, a play for sympathy. “I can’t believe I actually need you guys and you’re making it so hard on me.”