Last Words (Morelli Family 7)

Of course, on the other hand, that could be wishful thinking. Mateo seems to want me gone. He’s even weaning the kids off me, only letting me come around for an hour a week. I’m present just enough for them to know I’m alive, but gone so much that they’re already adjusting to my absence—grieving my presence in their lives without even knowing it.

If this isn’t one of Mateo’s tests and Rafe is a potential ally, I don’t want to alienate him. Each scenario requires a completely opposite response, though. I have no idea what to do.

I change the subject. Sort of. “So, you’re Mia’s temporary bodyguard, huh? Mateo must not remember what happened last time you were in charge of guarding her body.”

Rafe laughs a little at that. “Mateo has a long memory; I don’t think he forgets anything. And I wasn’t in charge of guarding her body then,” he adds. “That was more pro bono work.”

“Too much more of Mia’s influence, you’ll be eligible for sainthood.”

“Is that what happened to Mateo?”

The asshole who currently has my mind twisted up in knots as I try to figure out if my last lifeline is real or imagined? “Oh yeah, he’s a real angel,” I answer, dryly. “No, you know what he is? He’s a cruel and unusual tormentor. Mateo’s not satisfied to kill a person who lets him down; he mentally decimates you first. I can’t eat a cookie without wondering if it’s poisoned. I can’t have a conversation without wondering what side the person’s on and delving into what kind of mission Mateo might have sent them here on. I literally watch Maria for clues when she brings me food. I’ve seen how he operates before so I can’t trust anything now. He’s a brain-breaker. He’s the most diabolical man I’ve ever met, and I’ve met some baddies at this point.”

Rafe appears to be mildly shocked at the honesty I just word-vomited all over him.

To be frank, so am I. The prolonged isolation must be getting to me. Even traditional prisoners in solitary confinement get an hour every day to exercise and get out of their hole. I only make it out for one hour a week.

I need a time machine.

Instead, I have a guest that I can’t even talk to because I don’t trust him.

“Did you talk to Mia for me?” I ask.

“About your baby? No. Adrian was with us all day. Couldn’t really bring it up in front of him, and that man is everywhere.”

“Yep.” I pick at another piece of the cookie. “This is going to sound terrible, but I wonder if it was a mistake to have a son with Mateo.”

Rafe lifts his golden eyebrows and casually crosses his arms. “I would say your current position in the dungeon indicates yes.”

“I don’t mean it that way.” I realize that probably sounds bitter, and I’m not bitter. I’m not one to regret a relationship because it didn’t last forever. Lots of relationships don’t last forever—most of them don’t. “I just don’t want to have a son like him. I’m not the genetic lottery myself, but Mateo’s genes are a nightmare and I won’t even be around to raise him. What if he turns out like Mateo? What if he pushes people away and locks them up in dungeons?”

“Then he’ll probably spend a lot of his life alone, like Mateo has,” Rafe offers, evenly.

A sigh escapes me. “I’m so mad at him. And I’m so mad at me. Between the two of us, we really fucked everything up.”

Rafe doesn’t respond, but he gives me a faint nod, like he’s listening.

“Mia told me he was lonely.” I dart a glance at him. “When we first met. She knew him better than I did and she told me he was a lonely guy. I can see why now, and I don’t want that for my son.”

After a moment considering my words, Rafe finally speaks. “I don’t think you have to worry about your son growing up to be Mateo. I understand he’s sort of a nightmare, but Mateo is a product of the life he’s lead. Your son isn’t on the same path. I know it probably doesn’t seem like it to you now, but Mateo is an improvement over his father. Matt would have already killed you, not stored you in the dungeon and waited out your pregnancy. They’re different kinds of cruel. After what I saw in Vegas, it seems like Vince is more on his path than Mateo.”

“That’s actually not the first time I’ve heard that.”

Rafe shrugs. “He’s gone now. Hopefully it stays that way. Matt may not have turned out as evil as he did without all the unchecked power.”

I pop another piece of cookie into my mouth. “Mateo has unchecked power.”

“Pretty much.”

“Evil bastard,” I mutter.