The Imperfections

I drive into her over and over, collecting all her sounds of pleasure, focusing on her as much as I can when my mind is splintering apart. She’s so fucking noisy, and I love it. She gasps and she whimpers, she cries out and digs her hands into the bedding. She acts like I’m driving her as crazy as she’s driving me until finally her cries turn desperate and her pleasure reaches its peak.

I pound into her furiously, my whole body quaking with pleasure as she comes apart with me inside her. Her slick pussy convulses around my dick, wringing out wave after wave of bliss. The guttural sounds I’m making join her cries of satisfaction when I thrust deep and fill her full of my cum.

Tonight, Alyssa’s arms come around me naturally as I collapse on top of her, no hesitation or uncertainty. I rest my head on her soft breast, listening to the steady thumping of her heart as she tries to catch her breath after her orgasm.

I can’t believe last night I had ideas about stopping that heart, and now, here I lie, wrapped in her arms after fucking her—and she wanted it.

“That was amazing,” Alyssa says, snuggling me close.

I’m too sated to say much, but my lips curve up and I offer back, “Glad you enjoyed yourself.”

“So much,” she murmurs, closing her eyes.

I close my eyes for a moment, too. Alyssa’s fingers move through my hair absently, tenderly, and the foreign sensation of peace tugs at me. I could fall asleep right here on top of her with my cock still inside her and her playing with my hair, and I’d be perfectly content.

After a few minutes, I move, not wanting to crush her beneath my weight any longer. Tonight she’s not shy or uncertain, so she doesn’t wait for an invitation—she scoots over and snuggles up against my side, resting her head on my bicep and curling her slender arm around my waist.

I can’t believe the difference between last night and tonight. I can’t believe how receptive she is to a man she didn’t even pick for herself. I practically demanded she fuck me, and inside of 24 hours, she’s curled up against me, naked and sated, content as a kitten like I’m the man she’s dating instead of the man who put a gun to her temple just yesterday.

I’d like to think it’s this natural for her for the same reason it’s so natural for me—whatever that reason may be—but a little doubt tickles at the back of my mind. Theo’s words about his experience with her come floating back, reminding me how accommodating she was for him, how it “just happened” the first time and then she went along with whatever he wanted afterward.

The more I think about it, the more it worries me.

Is she letting me fuck her because she actually wants it, or does she just not know how to say no? Her upbringing wasn’t the greatest; that’s pretty clear. She undoubtedly has a mess of emotional issues, and what if this is part of it? What if she’s this susceptible to anyone who wants to fuck her, even if she’s not really interested?

That makes me feel worse than holding a gun on her and making her take my cock would have. If she doesn’t know any better, am I taking advantage of her in the worst kind of way? Preying on a young, damaged girl who simply doesn’t know how to stand up for herself?

That feels all kinds of wrong. She shifts beside me to get more comfortable, and I look over at her.

“Hey,” I say softly, trying to get her attention.

She looks up at me with her big, trusting eyes. “Hey, back.”

I swallow, looking away from her for a split second, then bringing my gaze back to hers. “I know I said a lot of things last night,” I begin.

“Things like what?”

“Things like… what I said about you making it worth keeping you around.”

“Oh. Yes, I remember,” she says, like we’re reviewing a lesson she learned in school. “What about it?”

“You know that doesn’t really apply now, right? I mean, I changed my mind about hurting you. I don’t want to do that, so… if you want to tell me no, you can. If you don’t feel like having sex with me, all you have to do is tell me that.”

“I did feel like having sex with you tonight,” she tells me earnestly.

“I know.” I pick up her hand and bring it to my lips, absently kissing it. “I know you did. I just want to make sure you understand, when I—or any other man—want to have sex with you… you don’t have to do it. You know that, right?”

“Well, I think when that man has a gun and he’s threatening to kill me, I probably should,” she disagrees. “I know some people are like ‘Better to die with my dignity!’ but personally, I’d rather live. Plus, I don’t think having sex costs me any dignity. Maybe some people don’t value their lives much or have more stubborn pride than I do, but if it comes down to letting someone fuck me or getting myself killed, I’m going to let someone fuck me 10 out of 10 times.”