The Imperfections

I understand where he’s coming from with his sister, but I hate it. I want to mean more to him than some line that shouldn’t be crossed. Even if in theory he thinks being with someone who did what I did isn’t something he’d ever do, now that he’s gotten to know me and spent time with me and fucked me on top of it all… now I want to mean enough to him that he’s willing to do the uncomfortable thing, to make an exception for me because he likes me too much to miss out because of a mistake I made before we ever even met.

The worst part is, I think we could make each other really, really happy, and I think he’s cheating us both out of something great by rejecting me because of my past.

I swallow and turn around so I’m facing his headboard again, but I don’t move my ass. Shaking my head, I ease down on my forearms and grab onto a pillow to hug since I know this won’t be comfortable to start.

“Go ahead,” I say quietly.

“You sure?” he asks one more time.

“Yes.”

He moves his hand away from my ass for a minute and presumably squeezes out some lube into his hand. I gasp at the strange sensation as he spreads my butt cheeks and rubs it on me.

I grab the pillow tighter, tempted toward second thoughts. I do want to feel him inside me this way, and I don’t want Theo to have been my only experience when it comes to this kind of sex, but I’m remembering how much I didn’t like it, especially at first, and the rational part of my mind wants to know if I’m crazy to be letting another man I can’t be with have access to me this way.

Maybe Brant’s right—maybe I need to start saying no more often.

I stiffen when he finishes rubbing the lube on and pushes a finger inside that tight hole. It fights the invasion, and this is just his finger. He has to work it in slowly, and it feels so intrusive.

The intrusion reminds me of the parts I liked about taking it in the ass, though, so I do my best to relax and let him stretch me so we can get to the good part.

“Have you done this before?” I ask him, even though it’s probably a silly question. He’s a lot more experienced than I am, so surely he has.

He doesn’t answer right away. Then he finally says, “No.”

I can’t keep the surprise out of my voice. “No?”

Scowling, he pushes his finger a little deeper and makes me jump. “You don’t have to sound so damn surprised.”

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t—it’s just, I am. You’re much older than I am, as you’re so fond of pointing out. I can’t believe you’ve never tried it.”

“There’s a reason Theo was so goddamned excited about all the shit you let him do to you, Alyssa. That’s not the norm.”

I frown, wrinkling my nose up in displeasure even though he can’t see my face. “I didn’t even let him do that much,” I mutter.

“You’re more sexually adventurous than the average woman, let’s put it that way,” he informs me. “Plenty of people make it to my age without ever fucking someone’s ass. Hell, plenty of people go their whole lives without doing it.”

I haven’t taken a poll or anything, but I’m not sure he’s right about that. “So, how come you haven’t tried it? You just never slept with anyone who was willing?”

“Never really wanted to,” he states. “Can’t say I lose sleep wondering what it would be like to fuck someone in the ass. It’s not really my thing.”

My frown deepens and I look back at him since this is something he has brought up a few times in the short time we’ve known each other. “Then why are you so intent on doing it to me?”

His gaze locks with mine, firm and unapologetic as he uses his thumb to flick the lube bottle closed. “You let him do it.”

My heart drops and I swallow, holding his gaze. After a moment, I nod my head. “All right,” I say softly, accepting his reason.

He’s awfully jealous for someone who doesn’t want to be with me, but I don’t say that. If he wants to mark territory that doesn’t belong to him, I’ll let him. I want him to possess this territory, and maybe if I let him do what he wants to me, I can wear down his defenses.

Logic tells me since he has a pretty solid reason for turning me down, that won’t work, but logic can get the fuck out of here. There’s no reason not to try.

Brant must feel he has adequately stretched me, because he finally pulls his finger out of that tight space. My insides feel strange, like I’ve been invaded by too foreign an object and my body has some complaints about it. I ignore them and brace myself, leaning down and holding on as I feel him bring the head of his cock against me.