The Imperfections

That seems healthy, and I want to make a point to make some healthy choices, so I’m happy to take her up on it.

I meet a guy, too. I didn’t think I was even interested in meeting anyone, but there’s a golden-haired guy who jogs down my street shirtless all the time. He’s around my age, but he lives with a couple of roommates in a house down the street, so he must have at least some of his shit together. Anyway, he’s really cute, and when he asks me to go to the summer festival with him, I can’t think of a single reason to say no.

That’s how I wind up strolling down the crowded aisle at the fairgrounds, leaning on his strong arm so we don’t get separated as we navigate brightly lit, aromatic booth after booth in search of an elephant ear. I haven’t had to deal with any morning sickness yet, but when I got a whiff of cinnamon sugar and deep-fried dough, I decided to blame the baby for my sudden, overwhelming desire for an elephant ear.

Privately, anyway. I haven’t told Dirk I’m pregnant yet. I figure that’s not really first date conversation.

We finally find the elephant ear stand. I was starting to worry. The fireworks will be starting soon, and it feels like we’ve been walking in circles trying to find this damned concession stand for ages.

“You’re a cheap date, you know that?” Dirk asks, looking over at me as we wait in line.

I cock an eyebrow, surveying him skeptically. “Excuse you?”

“No wrist band, no rides, and all you want is an elephant ear? You sure?”

I shrug my shoulders, not bothering to explain that I can’t go on anything but the carousel or the Ferris wheel since I’m pregnant, and I’m not especially fond of the Ferris wheel. “I’m easy to please,” I tell him.

Smirking faintly, he shakes his head but doesn’t say anything more about it. When we make it to the window to order, Dirk watches me order my elephant ear, then he orders us each a lemonade, too.

I look over at him as he reaches for his wallet, glancing back to steal a peek at his butt. Dirk has a very nice butt, and I’m relieved that despite some lingering feelings for Brant, I’m not so wrapped up in what I can’t have that I’m unable to notice what’s right in front of me.

I don’t want to get caught checking him out, though, so I tear my gaze away and glance around the crowded fairgrounds.

I’ve had a nice night with Dirk, but it hasn’t stopped my mind from wandering to Brant a couple of times. Ridiculous, since it’s not like Brant would have even brought me here tonight if we were dating.

In my mind, he would’ve. In my mind, he would’ve made me go on the Ferris wheel with him and I would’ve burrowed into his side, feeling like he could protect me even from a 40-foot fall. Brant just seems so capable to me, no Ferris wheel could hurt me if he decided not to let it.

In reality, I know it wouldn’t have been anything like that. He wouldn’t have been able to bring me out in public like this, because despite telling me I needed to start expecting more from men than half-cocked bullshit, that was all he had to offer me.

It’s better that I came with Dirk, someone more my age who isn’t afraid to be seen throwing darts at balloons so he can win me a pink stuffed frog.

There’s no point thinking about the man I can’t have. If I want to develop healthier habits, it’s going to require breaking the bad ones I already have.

My heart stalls as my thoughts of Brant seem to summon someone who looks like him walking through the midway, holding the hand of a little boy. I frown, leaning back to get a better look, but the man’s back is to me and people keep walking by, blocking my view.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear that little boy almost looks like…Thompson.

The boy turns suddenly, looking at the offerings of the various food stalls, then he points excitedly. “There it is! Blue cotton candy! I want blue.”

When the man turns, I gasp involuntarily. That’s the face I’m making when he turns to look for this alleged blue cotton candy amid all the bags full of pink, and he looks me dead in the eye.

Brant.

All my healthy resolutions swiftly vacate my brain and something warm swaddles my heart at the sight of him.

“Here you go.”

I break eye contact with Brant and look back at Dirk just in time to take the giant cup of lemonade he’s handing me.

Upon noticing I’ve lost a couple shades of color, Dirk frowns. “Are you okay?”

I offer a wobbly nod and grab my elephant ear off the counter. “Thanks,” I say, my voice sounding a bit wooden even to my own ears.