Off Limits (Secrets Kept 1)

TheDoctorIsIn: Not you specifically. It was before I knew it was you. We had dinner tonight. I told her I’d met someone. I’ve never done that before.

My pulse thudded in my ears as my heart softened even more toward him. Hutch had told Mads about me. Something about what we were doing was important enough that he told his sister. I knew how big that was for him; hell, I knew how big it was for him to admit it to me as well.

GoodWithHisHands: What did she say?

TheDoctorIsIn: She made me promise I wouldn’t run and that I’d see where it went. I figure she’d change her tune now.

The thing was, I didn’t believe Mads would. If we went to her, if we told her, she would give us her blessing even if it hurt her—and it would. That was the kind of person she was, though. But that wasn’t something either Hutch or I could do. It wasn’t the kind of men we were.

TheDoctorIsIn: Are you still there?

GoodWithHisHands: Yeah, Doc. I’m here. Why do you suppose we clicked so well through this app? Yeah, I’ve been gone for five years, but before that, our families were close. Why didn’t any of this happen before?

TheDoctorIsIn: Hell, I don’t know. Because you were with Maddy? Because neither of us was out? Because growing up, you were my parents’ friends’ younger son who spent all his time with my baby sister, which made you my baby sister’s annoying friend?

I laughed.

GoodWithHisHands: I wasn’t annoying.

TheDoctorIsIn: You got your bubble gum stuck in my hair when I was eight, and I had to have my hair buzzed. You and Maddy used to eavesdrop on my conversations. I used to have to share a bed with you at the lake cabin, and you always stole all the blankets. You guys used to tattle on me.

GoodWithHisHands: Hey, that was Mads, not me.

I chuckled again. Christ, we had so much goddamned history. A whole childhood full.

TheDoctorIsIn: Do you still hog the covers at night?

GoodWithHisHands: I would share them with you. I’d just pull you close instead.

Shit. I probably shouldn’t have said that.

GoodWithHisHands: Ignore that. It went too far, considering our situation. Also…I think it’s because of all those things you mentioned that we connected so deeply. Like, somehow we sensed we already knew each other, and the app just broke down barriers and walls we both keep up in real life.

The silence stretched on between us. He was still there; I didn’t doubt that, just probably wondering how we’d gotten ourselves in this situation, how out of all the people in Atlanta, we were the two who’d connected over an app and started to fall for each other.

TheDoctorIsIn: I can’t hurt Maddy…not like this. Even if she’s not in love with you anymore, she was your wife. She thought she was going to spend her life with you. Even before the two of you got together, you were always hers. She was sick, and that scared away a lot of kids, adults too, but it never scared you. While I always had friends and experiences, she was lonely except for you. I can’t…

GoodWithHisHands: I know. I would never expect you to.

TheDoctorIsIn: It probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway. We would have ended up driving each other crazy.

GoodWithHisHands: Honestly, I’m still a blanket hog, even when it’s hot. I would have stolen them from you every night.

TheDoctorIsIn: There’s no way I could live with that. We were destined to fail from the start.

It probably shouldn’t, but seeing those words made me ache. I felt an emptiness in my chest I was unfamiliar with, as if I’d lost something in a different way than anything I’d lost before.

GoodWithHisHands: We can still be friends, though. We’ll see each other at least every Monday.

Thirty seconds.

A minute.

Two.

I waited, hating my own mix of eagerness and fear.

TheDoctorIsIn: Yeah. You accidentally peed on me when you were three. How could we not be friends after that?

I laughed. I’d forgotten that story. Our parents used to tease us about it. How I went through a phase where I only wanted to pee outside because I thought it was cool. My aim hadn’t been the best, and Hutch had been on the receiving end of my little accident.

TheDoctorIsIn: You’re not into watersports now, are you?

GoodWithHisHands: I hooked up with a guy once who wanted to be pissed on in the shower. I’m willing to try most things. It didn’t do much for me, but I don’t knock anyone’s kink. Maybe if you hadn’t acted like I’d killed you back then, things would be different. You scarred me. Ruined my chance at loving piss play for life.

TheDoctorIsIn: I was five, and you peed on me.

He was smiling. Somehow, I knew it.

GoodWithHisHands: Blah, blah, blah, stop whining.

TheDoctorIsIn: Stop making me laugh.