Elves with Benefits (Reindeer Falls)

Once I have my pastries and cocoa in hand, I head to the back, where Sutton and Lexi are already deep in debate. Sutton’s got her most annoyed expression on, which can only mean one thing.

Man problems.

“I’m just saying, you’d think he’d be friendlier towards goats.” Sutton blows a strand of hair from her face and sits back in a huff, arms crossed.

Oh, no. Not being goat-friendly is a dealbreaker for Sutton. Maybe most of the population doesn’t have a firm position on goats, or even a soft position. Or any opinion at all. Outside of the occasional petting zoo, or cute memes on the internet, or an affinity for goat cheese, most of us can generally ignore the existence of the creatures. But Sutton’s whole life basically revolves around goats. She lives in an Airstream on some local land with a small herd of them, including Linus, her first ever goat rescue. And Sutton’s goats are sort of famous. After all, they’re what keeps the town supplied with high-quality goat milk soap, which is one of the best gifts a person can get here in Reindeer Falls. Especially the peppermint soap. It’s seasonal, obviously, and it smells incredible.

But the point is, insulting Sutton’s goats is basically declaring war on Sutton herself.

“Oh, no,” I jump right in. “Who picked a fight with Linus? Because I’ll go full angry elf on them. Just give me a name.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Sutton says, flipping her long, pale blonde hair over her shoulder. “I’m letting that negative energy go, okay?”

I meet Lexi’s eyes, and she grins.

“She had her own run-in with one of the Threesome of Hotness,” Lexi explains, then pauses, frowning. “We really need to rename them. Does Trio of Hotness work for everyone?”

“Sure, he’s hot,” Sutton mutters, almost like she’s talking to herself. “But I don’t need that kind of jerk energy in my life.”

“Tell me about it,” I say, thinking of Ryan’s well defined abs and his complete disregard for Reindeer Falls culture.

“They are a handful,” Lexi agrees. I want to ask her what she means by that, but then she rushes in with, “So you admit you have a crush on Ryan.”

“Ugh.” I groan in defeat, throwing my hands up. “It’s just a lust crush. You were absolutely right about him being genetically blessed, but you failed to mention his affiliation with the Grinch Party, which we all know is a dealbreaker for me.”

“Grinch-loving, goat-hating, dog-inheriting jerks,” Sutton agrees.

“Sounds like you both have giant crushes.” Lexi grins, then leans in and lowers her voice before adding, “Just remember to wrap those packages before shoving them down the chimney.”

Sutton blows a straw at her while I lob a crumpled napkin at her head. This makes Lexi collapse into giggles, and I do my best to glare at her. But it’s hard because I love her so much.

Still. I can’t abide this.

“Enough about these guys,” I say. “We need to finalize our February book. Did we decide to go with the handsome tree-farmer learning to love Christmas, or the handsome businessman learning to love the small town?”

“I’m going to make another plea for something non-Christmas-themed,” Sutton says. “Maybe some nice nonfiction. A memoir.”

Lexi nods her head. “Something celebrity maybe. A dose of reality.”

Ugh, reality? Don’t we get enough of that in the real world? I don’t need to read about some Hollywood starlet’s tragic past. Big no. I read for the fantasy. Characters with relatively uncomplicated lives who find their great love in a Christmas tree farm.

“Let’s just table that idea,” I suggest. “It’s Christmas, you guys.”

Sutton and Lexi exchange a look.

“Right,” Sutton says, dragging the word out. “So, you’re saying that we should only read Christmas books at Christmas?”

They’ve set a trap for me, and they know it. I can see it on their faces, plain as the snow that’s falling outside.

Shit.

Snow that’s really, really coming down.

“Uh, guys?” I ask, nodding at the windows. “Are we due for a blizzard or something?”

They both turn their heads. Sutton nods.

“Not a blizzard, or not yet,” she says. “But a pretty bad snowstorm. I had to coax the goats into the barn before I left. Don’t worry. I made sure it was nice and toasty for them. Lots of blankets.”

“Huh,” I say, and I have to admit I barely heard anything that Sutton just said. All I can think of is Ryan saying that he was going back to Chicago.

“I wonder if he was driving,” I say, glancing anxiously at the snow again.

“Who?” Lexi asks. “Ryan? You’re worried about him making it to your house for your Christmas hook-up? He can walk, it’s not that far.”

I glare at her, using one of my best Christmas cop expressions. Unfortunately, she’s immune to it.

“Ryan’s going back to Chicago,” I tell her. “His way of getting out of putting up decorations, I presume.”