Fearless Like Us (Like Us 9)

Nightmare.

I blink.

That doesn’t mean anything. It can’t mean anything.

I try not to think too hard about why I picked this word in this moment. I don’t want to pull at a meaning that isn’t there.

Silence blankets the room as everyone waits for me. Time feels slow right now. Like if I tried to take a step, my foot would feel weighted down with bricks.

I lick my dried lips.

You can do this, Nine.

I take a deep breath and face the room. And then I point to Banks and then to Sulli and then to my chest. Without reservation, I make the same motion over and over and over again. Air tenses. The only sound is Oscar’s crunch on a popcorn kernel.

Strangely, I breathe easier the longer I motion to Banks, to Sulli, to me.

Over and over and over.

“Two guys…and a girl?” Maximoff guesses.

I motion again and again.

Oscar drops a handful of popcorn back in the bowl. “You finally do it, Kitsuwon?”

Maximoff goes rigid. “What does that mean?”

And clearly, without stopping, I say, “Banks has been dating Sulli since Yellowstone. They’re together.”

“What?” the Yale boys almost say in unison. They thought it’d be me and her.

Jane is beaming. “Oh my God!” She crosses the room excitedly to Sulli and squishes her in a hug.

SFO is confused, except for Quinn, but soon that veers into happiness once they see that I’m not upset. Donnelly, Farrow, and Oscar slow-clap for Banks, and Thatcher wraps an arm around his brother, bringing him closer.

Thatcher…Thatcher is smiling. In the hierarchy here, I’m so often first, and for once, I just wanted Banks to feel what that’s like.

Selfless Banks—he’s not reveling in merriment.

He’s looking at me like I’m the biggest fool of all. But I’m not hurt seeing how they love Banks and Sulli together because I really love them together too.

“That’s not all,” Banks says loudly, causing the room to go still.

“Kits,” Sulli says, tearing out of Jane’s hug. “Tell them.”

Everyone is quiet.

And after a beat, I announce, “I’ve been dating Sulli since Yellowstone too. When we came back, the three of us decided to be in a poly relationship.” I barely get the definition out before the mutterings of what? and holy shit.

Oscar says, wide-eyed, “Didn’t see that coming.”

The mood shifts. Everyone slowly turns silent. Tension mounts.

Thatcher is stoic and still. He narrows his gaze on me, then on his brother. He cocks his head to the left, signaling a need to talk to Banks.

Banks nods.

“Maximoff,” Farrow calls out in concern.

Maximoff isn’t letting anything pass through his features. All sharp cheekbones. He’s already standing. “Can you hold Rip for a sec.” He hands Ripley off to Farrow. “I need to talk to my cousin.”

Sulli rises, her other cousins following her out.

I watch as Sulli and Banks are pulled away by family. The three of us are separated in different directions. And I’m left alone with Jack and SFO and what’ll probably be a round of probing questions. So I sit on the ottoman, and I pick up a bag of stale Fritos in the awkward silence.

Just wishing I could be in two places at once.

With her and with him.

8

SULLIVAN MEADOWS

Libraries have never comforted me like the woods or the water. Like stories my mom grew up telling me.

Standing among bookcases of hardcovers and paperbacks just reminds me of all the pages I’ve never read, all the stories I’ve never completed.

My dad loves reading, but he never really advertised that part of himself. Most of his books are kept in trunks. Worn covers and dog-eared pages. Sometimes he just went ahead and donated them after he finished the last page.

While I’m in the penthouse’s library, I look everywhere but at my cousins. Jane has said the library brings back memories of Princeton. Floor-to-ceiling bookshelves cover the walls. Green-stained glass lamps on a reading table are turned on, casting warm lighting tonight.

College.

I never gave too much thought to going. Academics took so much time away from swimming growing up that I just wanted to punt every school subject to another dimension. Far, far away from me.

I’d be a big fucking liar if I said I suddenly acquired the drive to study. Cracking open a textbook sounds like the devil’s armpits.

And thinking about my contempt for schoolwork is not helping ease my nerves. I glance up, like if I stare hard enough, I can see the rooftop pool. It feels miles away.

Grow some courage, Sullivan Minnie Meadows. They’re your family, not your foes. I would’ve said the same about my dad—and look at us now.

Exhaling, I face my cousins.

Luna hops onto the long table, and Jane is rocking a sleepy LJ in her arms. She must’ve scooped the tabby from the bathroom. I’ve never seen a cat that loves to be cradled like a baby more than Little Jane.

Moffy crosses his arms, stiff as a board, but through his tough exterior, his eyes—green like mine—seem to hold more questions than anger.