Lost Love (Cowboys & Angels 1)

She wiped her tears away. “I know that.”

Lifting my hand, I pushed a piece of loose hair behind her ear. “Paxton, I never stopped loving you.”

Her chin trembled. “Why…why did you move on then?”

I shook my head. “I never moved on.”

With a frown, she glared. “I’m sorry, what? Steed, you got married! You had a baby! You moved on.”

“No. This is what I wanted to talk about. The other night at Cord’s place you didn’t let me explain. Mom used to keep me up to date with what was going on with you. She’d ask your mom how you were. It killed her that you stopped coming around.”

Paxton sniffled. “It killed me too.”

I placed my hand on the side of her face, and I thought for sure she would move away, but she didn’t.

“One day she told me you were dating Joe Miller. I didn’t even know the fucker went to A and M. His mom told my mom she thought y’all were going to be getting engaged and that a wedding would follow soon after.”

Paxton’s eyes widened in shock. “What?”

Dropping my hand, I took a few steps back and leaned on the other counter across from Paxton. “I went fucking insane with the thought of you marrying him. Hell, you simply dating him drove me crazy. All the guilt and anger I had tried to bury came rushing back. The thought that I walked away from the love of my life left me sick to my stomach. I told my mother I didn’t want to hear anything else about you. I forbid her to talk about you and if she brought you up, I’d threaten to hang up.”

Confusion laced her face.

“I met Kim at a party a few weeks after my mother told me you were getting engaged. She was supposed to make me forget, as fucked up as that sounds. I never felt a connection with her, but she was the total opposite of you. We dated for a bit, and I realized I needed to be honest with her. The night I was planning to break up with her was the same night her parents died. She was a mess for weeks. Her best friend talked me into asking her to marry me because she was afraid she would kill herself if she didn’t have anything to look forward to. I felt so guilty and if only I had known at the time all that guilt was for what happened with you and had nothing to do with Kim…”

I paused and took in another long deep breath. “At the same time, I was still angry about Joe and the idea of you dating him. I thought you had moved on, Paxton.”

Her brows pinched together.

My heart was pounding so fucking hard in my chest as I tried to get everything out as fast as I could. I’d waited so long to tell Paxton everything. Now that I was standing in front of her, I was more scared than ever that she’d hate me even more.

Taking in a deep breath, I continued. “So I asked Kim and we got married. It didn’t take me long to realize what a huge fucking mistake it was. I told Kim I wanted a divorce. Then I called Mom, told her I was coming back to Texas as soon as I graduated and get divorced. I was going to try and work things out with you.”

“What?” Paxton covered her stomach and her mouth like she was about to get sick.

“Pax? Are you okay?”

She shook her head. “No. I need to sit down.”

I was going to be sick. Steed was going to come home? He was coming back for me?

Sinking into the chair, I reached for the bottle of rum and went to take a drink when Steed took it. “Let me get you water instead, pumpkin.”

Pumpkin. Each time he called me the pet name my lower stomach pulled with want.

Steed opened the refrigerator and looked around for the waters. He handed me one, and I quickly took a drink. “Keep going,” I managed to say.

When his hand pushed through that dark brown hair, I had to hold back a moan.

“Um, well, I told Kim I wanted a divorce. She had told me she was on birth control, but even after we got married I kept using condoms.”

The idea of Steed sleeping with another woman nearly killed me. I knew he had of course, but hearing him say it hurt more than I ever dreamed.

“Was she…was she not?”

“I don’t know. I’m pretty sure she stopped taking them before we got married. From what I could piece together from her crazy ass friends, Kim saw an article in Texas Monthly that had my parents listed as one of the wealthiest families in Texas. She started talking about us moving to Texas. I knew that was never going to happen. It was then I realized I was lying to myself. I was in love with you still and I needed to get out of the marriage.”