Blind Love (Cowboys & Angels 5)

“I know if I had only been honest with him and told him I wanted to travel before we settled down, things would have been different. At the time, he wanted one thing, and I wanted something else. But I loved him so much I told myself that I would want the same things he wanted and before the time came, our paths would align. I asked him that day if he would ever want to live outside of Oak Springs and he said no. That’s when I knew I had to tell him the truth.”

“Oh, Harley,” Waylynn whispered.

I kept going. “That day I was planning on asking him to come to College Station after law school. Once I graduated I wanted to travel around Europe, Asia, lie on beaches in the Caribbean, anything for a few months, before the responsibilities of adulthood weighed on us. I wanted to live in a big city like Dallas for a bit. When I told him this, I could see the disappointment in his eyes and it nearly killed me. That was the reason I kept my mouth shut all those years. I wanted to avoid hurting him.” My eyes stung with the threat of tears. I knew once they started, I wouldn’t be able to stop.

“Then he…he told me he would go with me. Wherever I wanted to go he would be there because he loved me.”

Tears streamed down my face, the reality of what I’d given up like a punch to the gut, and I heard a few sniffles in the room but I couldn’t look at any of them. I was too ashamed of what I was about to say.

“And even though I knew it was wrong and it wasn’t what he wanted, I let myself be happy. I was going to let him give up his dream so that I could follow mine. Then he got a phone call from John. Steed had gotten hurt and broke his arm. John told Tripp he needed him to come to the hospital to be with your mom. We went, and I overheard a conversation Tripp had with John. He told him he didn’t want to travel and that he worried about how we would afford everything. Your dad mentioned that he’d resent me in the long run.”

I forced a smile and took a few seconds before talking again. I had held this in for so long, waiting to explain it all to Tripp, and here I was spilling it all out again. And not to Tripp.

“It just sort of hit me. I could never live with myself if I took him away from Oak Springs, away from his own dreams and hopes. I panicked and knew if I told him now that he should stay and I would come back to him, he would follow me. He would give up everything to make me happy. So, I did the only thing I could think of. I lied.”

My heavy gaze lifted to see four sets of eyes staring at me. I couldn’t read their expressions.

Would they hate me even more now? Probably.

I looked away, the guilt and shame eating at me like it had for so many years.

“Every time I came back into town, I tried to talk to Tripp. I wanted to tell him there never was a guy. I wanted to come back to Oak Springs and start the life we had always dreamed of. At least, I wanted to try if he would forgive me, if he would understand the why of what I did.”

“But you couldn’t because he always left. The moment he found out you were in town, he would leave,” Amelia said softly.

I nodded. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve called and left him a message. In the beginning I begged him to let me explain. But I don’t even know if he ever listened to those messages. As the years went on, the messages kept getting shorter. I asked him to talk to me, he ignored it. I wrote him that letter I mentioned, hoping he’d read it, but I doubt he did.”

“All those times you were in town…” Amelia’s voice cracked.

Grinning, I added, “A few times I managed to sneak in without him knowing I was there. I went to his office but he refused to see me. He was always in a meeting or Karen would tell me he was out of town. I never got the chance to try. He never gave me the opportunity to explain that I’d always known I’d come back to Oak Springs.”

Waylynn walked up to me and took my hands in hers. “That’s why you showed up on decorating day. You knew he would be there and you thought he wouldn’t make a scene around the rest of us.”