Spun (Kings of Chaos 1)

“You want to let my blood, fine. But don’t think I took advantage of Nevada. If I ever hear you spouting that bullshit to anyone I’m going to rip your head off.”

“Fuck you, Wizard. Always so fucking perfect, sitting on your high horse looking down at us. You never make mistakes because you have no heart.”

The sound of a fist meeting skin drew my nerves taut like a bow.

My father cries out.

Wizard is speaking, but his voice is so low I can’t hear it. “Now get the fuck out.” He comes back in loud and clear.

“Not until I see my girl!” my father yells. “You can’t deny me that.”

“Suddenly you care?” Wizard asks.

The words are a cold sliver of ice in my belly. It’s all true, but hearing the words spoken out loud by someone else fills me with shame. Wrapping my arms around my waist, I rock myself back and forth on the balls of my feet. Do I even want to see my dad? The way he came in here guns blazing would be endearing if it weren’t too little too late.

“I’ll let her choose. Her days of you controlling her life are fucking done. Nevy, come on down if you want.”

I reach out, grab the doorknob, and pause as I wrestle with my inner demons. This time, he should be the one to know what it feels like to be ignored. Let him feel the sting of rejection and indifference. The idea fills me with a sick sense of satisfaction. The image of my father’s face the last time I saw him flickers in my mind. Worn, sullen, and defeated. I take a deep breath and turn the handle. I don’t want to get even, I want to be better. This fucked up cycle can’t continue. I want to heal and move forward, but I can’t do that when I’m still stuck in the past.

I leave the room, and the world is hazy and distant as I live in my head. Tonight, I get to say all of the things that have been rolling around in my head. Wizard has given me a voice. I slowly descend the stairs and enter an alternate universe.

Dad is shoved up against the door with a sneering Wizard pressing his elbow against his throat.

I can smell the alcohol coming off Hulk. I recognize the unfocused look in his eyes. He’d been sipping from the ever present flask he carries. I clench my hands into fists. His disregard for anyone else disgusts me. How can he continue to be so selfish?

Wizard steps back.

“Nevy.” Hulk rubs his neck.

I can see a red spot running along his cheekbone, rapidly darkening. I should feel remorse, but he came at Wizard with disrespect, and for once I’m not going to side with my father.

“Yeah, Dad. If you’re worried about me, I’m fine, better than fine. I have a place to lay my head without worrying. Wizard didn’t force me into anything. I’m happy here.”

His face crumples.

The pain in his eyes is too much to bear. I glance away.

“He’s turned you against me. I’m too late.”

I keep my head lowered. “I’m not against you—”

“But you don’t want to leave.”

“And go where, Dad? I don’t know if you realize it, but I’ve been shuffled from place to place since you’ve been gone. I was left alone. This is a good spot for me to be in.” He opens his mouth to speak, and I rush ahead, “I understand that’s hard for you to get. But, Dad, every time you rode off to God knew where, I was left to care for myself. With Gram and Gramps gone, I was on my own, fending for myself. The club did what it could, but come on, we all know I wasn’t their responsibility and Mom wasn’t good for much. Sure, I could crash with her, but half the time I didn’t want to. It’s impossible to be productive in the type of environment she lived in. You’ve been blind to all this for years, and now that I have a chance at something decent, you want to come in and play rescue? Newsflash… I don’t need that anymore. You missed your opportunity.”

The color drains from his face. Sadness is etched into the proud features, exacerbating his hollowed cheeks. His crow’s feet look deeper than they were when he left, and the thinning hairline around his forehead is prominent. “All right, Nevada. I get it. I been a shitty father. But that still doesn’t make things right between me and him. He should’ve asked. You have your party, and the next day we’ll settle up. Just know that right afterward, we’ll settle up.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Wizard says. His narrowed eyes are dark slits that would warn a sane man away.

I want to object, but it’s not my place.

Wizard opens the door and my father trudges out. He might be buzzed, but I can tell by his impeccable balance, he’s okay to ride the short distance to the clubhouse he calls home. The door shuts and we remain in our positions on opposite sides of the room. The rumble of a motorcycle breaks the awkward silence that’s fallen between us.

“You good?” Wizard’s voice is gravelly and strained.

“Yeah.”

“Then, you might want to get some sleep for the party tomorrow. It’s going to rage into the night.”