Spun (Kings of Chaos 1)

I cringe at the sound of Wizard’s voice.

“Can I come in?”

I flush, push to my feet, and rinse out my mouth.

The door opens and I snicker. Of course he didn’t wait for me to say yes. If he did though, he would’ve been out there until hell froze over.

“Listen, I’m sorry.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Shit is still scrambled up here like an egg. It’s not personal. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings. I’m sure what we had was real. But when I look at you now, all I can see is Hulk’s little girl. Maybe it’ll all come back. We can try to give it time. I’ll provide for you regardless. You know that.”

“I don’t want to be someone else’s problem.” I ball my fists. I’m no longer a cherished old lady. I’m another brother’s burden. We’re going on the belief he’ll remember. What happens if he doesn’t? I’m too scared of the answer to ask the question.

“I’ve always been your friend, Nevy. That hasn’t changed.”

Friend. The word is acidic.

“Right.” I swipe away the tears gathering in the corner of my eyes.

“You know I’m not going to blow smoke up your ass, babe. I don’t do promises I can’t keep.”

“I know. Look, I don’t want to ruin your day back. Go to the clubhouse, party. You deserve to celebrate life.”

“While you what? Stay here and cry? Fuck that!”

I grip the counter and stare at water droplets in the sink. “I don’t want to be the subject of stares and whispers… Wizard.” The urge to call him Gage damn near chokes me. “My place isn’t at your side right now.” It may never be again. “Besides, I’m not feeling so hot.”

“Seems a shitty way to thank the person who’s been with me every step of my recovery.”

“Consider us even for all you’ve done for me.”

“Look at me.”

My body tenses.

“Nevada, look at me.”

I glance over my shoulder and I’m caught in the magnetic pull of his blue gaze.

“Don’t pretend you’re okay when we both know you’re not.”

“I’m not the same girl you knew, Wizard. You’ve lost memories of this version of me. I’m not going to fall to pieces.” Or be a victim. You taught me that. “If you want to help, just…give me some time and space.”

“Fair enough.”

“Can you send Stone in please? He’s been waiting for this to play out for a long time now.” I turn away and close my eyes as the sound of his boots on the tile signal his retreat.

“You going to make it, girl?” Stone asks, leaning against the doorframe.

“I can’t do this, Stone. I need a break.”

“What? He just got back.”

“I’m not helping him being here, and I sure as hell ain’t doing myself any favors.”

“So you’re going to what? Bail? Thought you were tougher than that.”

I spun around, furious. “You know what I am, Stone? Sick of being someone’s cross to bear. He didn’t have to do what he did in the first place, but it worked out for us both. Between the shit with lockdown and this cluster fuck…” I lick my lips and shake my head. “I can’t pretend everything is okay. I’ll manage the store until you can get someone else. But I’m begging you to let me stay at a sister club. Just for a few months to get my head right. It’s been highs and lows. Watching my back every second of the day. It’s literally making me sick, Stone. I’ve never asked for much. You know that. I need this.” I silently beg him to understand where I’m coming from.

He sighs. “Fine. I’ll see if I can get you something in Vegas.”