Shades of Earth (Across the Universe 3)

“I’m Elder,” I say simply.

“Elder of what?” Colonel Martin snaps.

“It’s my name. Elder. And also my title. It’s what we call the leader of the ship. ”

Colonel Martin heaves a sigh, staring at me. From the corner of my eye, I notice Lieutenant Colonel Bledsoe’s expression. She’s much younger than Colonel Martin and not as good at hiding her emotions: I can see concern in her dark eyes, worry in the lines of her mouth.

“So you’ve been the one in charge of those people in there?” Colonel Martin asks.

“Yes. ” I don’t tell him that I’ve been the leader for only months, that my reign ended with the shuttle launch, that my kingdom was so divided that a third of the people stayed on Godspeed. I don’t want to be talking about this at all; I’d like for him to do whatever he needs to do on the computer so we can leave. My eyes keep flicking toward the sky; my ears are half-listening for a bone-chilling screech. I don’t want him to see my fear, though, so I try to focus on what he’s saying.

“I don’t know what situation led to someone as young as you stepping up to a leadership role,” he continues. “I don’t know what’s been going on that led to my daughter waking up early and becoming embroiled in this mess. But I can guess, judging from the sloppy landing I see here and the injured and dead of your kind in there, that things haven’t been going well. ”

“Enough,” I say, the word coming out as a growl.

A mask of compassion falls on Colonel Martin’s face. “I just meant—it’s clear that this has been difficult. For everyone, yes, but especially for you, as a leader called too soon. ”

I stare back at him, careful to keep my emotions from showing. There’s truth to everything he’s saying, but it’s not the whole story. Yes, it’s been hard. But I accepted the responsibility knowing it would be difficult, and that’s different from the picture he’s trying to paint of me.

It’s not like I would have given up even if I’d had another choice.

“The situation at hand is simple,” he continues. “We need to establish one leader for both the shipborns and the Earthborn people. I would like to suggest that you pass leadership over to me now so that we can begin this mission on the right foot. ”

My first thought: This man looks nothing like Eldest, he sounds nothing like him, but he thinks in just the same way.

Colonel Martin sits down in the seat in front of the control panel—the same seat Amy sat in as we landed the shuttle. He turns the chair so it faces the other seat and pats it. “Sit down, son,” he says kindly.

And I do. I think I understand now why Amy wanted her father back so much. Colonel Martin speaks with such assurance in his voice that I almost believe he can make my problems go away merely by commanding them to do so.

Almost.

“Things are very different from how I expected them to be,” he says, the words heavy. “I wasn’t supposed to be in charge. ”

Neither was I.

“I’m not ready for this. ”

Neither was I.

“But everything has changed now. ”

I know.

Colonel Martin tips back in the chair, looking up at the sky. “Colonies have always had a difficult time surviving. When America was settled, the colonists were separated by an ocean and months of travel from any help from the home they left behind. We are separated by far more. ”

I follow his gaze skyward, but I’m not thinking about Sol-Earth and how far away it is. I’m thinking about Godspeed. It’s much closer, but just as impossible to reach.

“Many people died in the first colonies. They called America ‘the New World,’ but this is the real deal, eh, son? Roanoke has nothing on us. ”

“Why are you telling me this?” I ask. I don’t care if I sound rude.

“Son, I need you to think about the situation here. I realize that things have been happening while the Earthborns like me were frozen and that you had to take charge. It can’t have been easy. ”

“No, no, no, no, no,” Shelby said. Right before I let her die.

“And you might not believe me,” Colonel Martin adds, “but I know how much pressure you must be under. Those people, the shipborns, it’s obvious they’re looking to you to solve all their problems. But you can’t solve all their problems, can you?”

Three of my people are dead right now, just down the hall, and that’s my fault. Bartie and over eight hundred other people are still in orbit around Centauri-Earth, and they’re going to live and die in the remains of Godspeed, and that’s my fault too.