The Junior (College Years 3)

Double sigh.

The easy conversations between us, and the consuming way he kisses me. How his eyes lit up when I painted his jersey number on my cheek at that one game. How possessive he’s been in bed lately, as if he’s trying to prove a point.

You belong to me. Those are the four words I think he is trying to convey every time he fucks me into oblivion, especially lately.

A shiver steals over me, remembering the last time we were together. The intensity in his gaze. The purpose behind his touch. He’ll never come right out and say it though. I’m sure he’s afraid I’ll reject him completely.

Realization dawns and I look up, staring at my friends in horror. “Oh God.”

Ellie reaches for me, resting her hand over mine. “What is it?”

“You’re right. You’re so right.” The tears threaten all over again and I clap my hands over my face, as if that will contain them. “I’m in love with Caleb.”

My heart hurts with the knowledge as I cry all over again. As if I never did in the first place. Hayden and Ellie make sympathetic noises but otherwise let me cry it out. This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever experienced in my li

fe. And worse?

It hurts. It hurts so badly. I thought love was supposed to lift you up and fill you with light.

Right now, I’m plunged into darkness and worried I’ll never be happy again. How can that be love? It’s so damn painful, it’s excruciating.

“You need to tell him,” Ellie urges. “And soon.”

“He’s gone,” I mumble into my palms, slowly shaking my head.

“Let’s go see them,” Hayden suggests brightly.

I drop my hands and stare at her in disbelief. “They’re in Las Vegas. We have to work tomorrow.”

“We could drive over there. Once we get off work,” Hayden says.

I slowly shake my head, my tears drying up, as if they’re intrigued by the idea. “That will take forever.”

“We don’t have to drive,” Ellie says. “We could fly.”

“That will cost way too much money,” I say, thinking of the cost of a last-minute ticket to Vegas.

Ouch.

“No, it won’t,” Ellie says, whipping out her phone. “Let me see what I can do.”

She starts texting someone while we watch in silence. She’s tapping away at the screen, the notifications coming in one after the other, the whooshing noise of a text coming through, sounding again and again. She wiggles in her seat, the phone in her hands suddenly ringing and she gets up to answer the call, walking away from the table.

“What is she up to?” I ask Hayden.

She shrugs. “I don’t know, but listen to me, Gracie. I’ve known you a long time. I’ve seen you with other guys, and none of them meant as much to you as I can tell Caleb means right now. You guys have a real connection. It’s always been there, from the very start.”

“Well, we’ve done it,” I say, sounding grouchy. “And now I think I’ve blown it.”

“The problem is, you two are great at communicating with banter and arguing. I’m sure the sex between you two is explosive,” she says, and I wonder where she’s going with this.

I say nothing though. Sex between us is beyond explosive. It’s freaking life-changing.

Ugh, listen to my thoughts. I’m so over the top.

“But when it comes to the hard stuff, like admitting your feelings? Being real and vulnerable in front of each other? I don’t know how easy that is for you two,” she says.

We’ve done it before, specifically when he took me to Pismo. We were on such a high after that trip, it felt like it could never end.