Nightwolf

Honestly, I have no idea.

I just know that keeping things casual might be a problem when my heart is starting to beat on the line.

Suddenly, Wolf lowers his cup of coffee mid-sip and frowns. It’s still early morning, the sun hasn’t even crested the tops of the mountains behind us, and we’ve moved on from wine to coffee, a strange reversal.

“What is it?” I ask.

“The landline,” he says in a strange tone, getting up and striding over to the house and it isn’t until he opens the door that I hear the phone ringing.

Reception has been pretty shitty out here. I’ve sent a few texts to my mom letting her know about the place and that I’m okay, but I don’t think they’ve been delivered. I assume Lenore has sent me a million, wondering how me and Wolf are getting along (or getting it on), but the fact that I have zero from her probably means I won’t get them until we get back to civilization.

With the sun barely up, it can’t be more than eight a.m. Odd to have someone call the landline so early in the morning.

Maybe it’s a wrong number, I think to myself, yet the longer Wolf is inside, the more this sick sense of dread starts spreading inside me like an oil spill. I don’t want to believe it, but it’s like I know that something is wrong.

Something is really wrong.

I press my fingers against my chest, curling my nails in against the skin, staring at the dull gray ocean and just trying to brace myself. For what, I don’t know, but I know it’s something, it’s something.

Finally, the door opens and Wolf steps out.

I take one look at him and my stomach drops.

His face seems paler than normal, his eyes haunted, his jaw tight.

“What happened?” I ask, hoping that I’m overreacting, that it’s nothing. “What happened? Who was that?”

He blinks at me slowly, licking his lips. “We have to go,” he says, his voice sounding distant. “We have to go.”

I still. Panic is a sharp prick in my chest, my lungs feeling iced over. I try to swallow. “Why? What’s going on? Is it…is everything okay?”

Oh god, please don’t let it be my mom. Please don’t let it be my mom.

And yet Wolf’s eyes become soft and horrified all at once.

And then I know.

“Wolf,” I say, my voice shaking, trying to get to my feet. “What happened!?”

“Your mother,” he says, and the way his voice chokes on his words is like a sword to the heart and I’m pressing my hands there as if to stop the bleeding.

I’m waiting for him to tell me she’s dead.

My worst fear in this world come to life.

“She was in an accident,” he says.

“Is she okay?” I can barely breathe.

“She’s alive,” he says, slowly walking toward me.

I exhale with so much relief that I nearly fall backward.

But the relief is short-lived.

Wolf comes to me, takes my hands in his and squeezes them. His eyes are glossy, like he’s holding back tears and I know that my mother being alive isn’t so cut and dry.

“She was walking this morning, an hour ago, down Geary. A car went onto the sidewalk and hit her.”

“Oh my god!” I cry out, my hands covering my mouth. I feel like I’m having an out of body experience, just floating above the situation, a little voice at the back of my head saying, this isn’t real, this isn’t real. “Is she going to be okay?”

Wolf looks grim. His grip on my hands tighten. “She’s in the hospital, that’s all I know. Solon called the moment he heard. Guess he’s listed as the emergency contact after you in her wallet. Thank god she has that.”

I open and close my mouth, no sound coming out, my heart and lungs seized up so tightly that I’m surprised I’m even alive. How have I not fainted?

“She’s going to be okay,” I tell him, I tell myself, I tell the universe. “She’s going to be okay, right? She’s going to be okay.”

“She’s alive, baby,” he says to me. “That’s a good start. We’ll know more in a bit. Soon as we hit the road and get to better reception, Solon will keep us updated until we get back home, okay?”

I nod but the actions are absent, as if I’m not controlling them. Wolf helps me into the house, and we go to our rooms to pack and I’m just moving like an automaton. Things are shoved into bags and I put on clothes and I’m a robot getting into the Mustang as we peel away down the driveway, heading back over the mountain roads.

I’m stuck in my head, in the silence of the car as we twist through the trees. I keep asking Wolf to repeat what Solon had told him, trying to hold onto the tiniest scraps of hope.