Triplets Make Five

I kept my eyes pointed away, because I knew I would just keep blushing if I had to look Raven in the eye.

“We kissed,” I admitted.

“What!” Raven gasped, and I hear the soft thud of her cheese stick slip from her fingers and land on the concrete. “Daisy! That’s crazy! You never kiss anyone!”

“I know!” I shushed her, shooting her a quick glare. “And not that it’s any of your business, but I don’t plan on kissing him again. It was a one-time thing.”

“I wasn’t… I didn’t mean it like a bad thing,” Raven stammered quickly. “I’m just… shocked. He’s not really your type.”

“My type?” I shot her an inquisitive look. “Or do you mean that I’m not his type?”

“Well, both I guess,” Raven shrugged. “He’s not your type, because you’re a total prude who won’t date anything with a pulse… even a vibrator. And you’re not his type because he only seems to date the kind of girls who wear lingerie as formalwear.”

“Ok, first of all, I’m not a prude,” I protested, reminding myself to keep my voice down. “I just don’t see the point of wasting my time or effort on a guy that would inevitably lie, cheat, or leave me.”

“That’s such an unhealthy outlook,” Raven interrupted. “You’ve got to let go of these weird dating hang-ups that you’ve been holding onto for years. Your dad was an asshole, I get it. And some guy broke your heart in high school. But that doesn’t mean all men are assholes. And it’s definitely not a valid reason to never try dating.”

I ignored what Raven said and I ignored that she’d brought up one of my most vulnerable insecurities.

“Second of all,” I said, pretending she never interrupted me, “I don’t need a vibrator. There are more fulfilling things in life than sex, you know.”

“Says the girl who has never had sex,” Raven said, pressing her lips together smugly.

“I don’t need to have sex to know that it isn’t worth all the heartache and baggage that comes along with it.”

This was a conversation that Raven and I have had dozens of times. She has never been able to wrap her head around me being a virgin, and I’ve never been able to accept her casual outlook on sex.

I haven’t told Raven all the reasons why I was so reluctant to have sex. The biggest reason wasn’t about my emotional hang-ups or trust issues, although those were significant factors as well. The biggest reason why I had avoided sex for my entire adult life was because I could never have an orgasm by myself.

I have tried everything: vibrators, toys, my own hands. Nothing. The closest I’ve gotten was tingles. Little waves that tickled as they pulsed through my veins. Which was not exactly the spine-tingling pleasure that movies and women’s magazines promised me.

Maybe it was selfish, but I guessed I always figured that if sex was just going to lead to disappointment at best, and heartbreak at worst, what was the point of trying at all? I was happy enough living life without all the complications, and I didn’t think I was really missing out on anything.

Until last night. Until kissing Caleb awakened something inside me that I had never felt before. It scared me, but at the same time, I wanted more.

I was trying to think of a way to express this to Raven, when my thoughts were interrupted by the familiar scuffle of boots running over concrete.

I glanced up and saw Emmy running up to me, a giant smile spread over her face and a paper card in her hands.

She plopped down on the steps and handed me the card.

“This is for you,” she said, but before I get a chance to respond she was running off again to join a few other girls playing hopscotch.

“I can’t believe that’s the same child that wouldn’t speak word to anyone last fall,” Raven observed. “You really did a great job with her, Daisy.”

“Thanks,” I said absently, too distracted by the card in my lap to really hear or process what Raven said.

It was a piece of pink construction paper that has been folded in half. In Emmy’s shaky handwriting, spelled out in giant crayon letters, the front of the card read “THANK YOU.” Beneath the words, there was a stick figure drawing of a family, scrawled in the same shaky hand. There was a tall man with a blob of brown hair, and he was holding hands with a woman who bore a striking resemblance to Rapunzel, and she was holding hands with a little girl. A little girl with Macaroni-Orange curls and a pink princess dress. Underneath the three smiling figures, there was a round blue bowl full of squiggly brown lines, which I assumed represented Ramen noodles.

Raven leaned over, resting her chin on my shoulder to inspect the card.

“Holy shit,” she said under her breath.

“What?” I asked, automatically defensive of Emmy’s card. “It’s a sweet picture of the three of us. She probably liked that we all spent time together last night.”

“Is that what it is?” Raven asked skeptically. “Three people just hanging out? Or did she draw a family?”

I hadn’t thought about it like that, but now, when I glanced back down at the card, it’s all I could see, a family of three, holding hands, smiling.