Valor on the Move
“Yeah. I don’t envy the investigators on this one. The service is going to take a lot of heat.”
Shane sipped his beer. “At the end of the day it was our fault. My fault.”
“Hey, you’re human. And you got him back. Saw Castillo and his wife on TV just before I came over. They said the kid’s resting. First time I can remember ever seeing her look…I don’t know. Shaken, I guess. I’m glad he’s okay. Details were scarce, but it sounds like you were a one-man army out there, ‘Unnamed Agent.’ That has a ring to it.”
He shrugged. “Had to get him back. It’s my job.”
“It is. But your feelings go deeper than that. It must have been tough. Trying to keep your cool when someone you care about is in danger.”
Shane rested his head back on the sofa and stared at the ceiling. “I’ve never felt like that. That kind of worry. I…fuck, D. I’ve never felt like this about anyone. I’m in too deep.” He closed his eyes. “Let myself go way too far.”
“How far are we talking?”
He pressed his lips together and opened his eyes. “Orgasms were involved.”
Darnell whistled softly. “Well, shit. When?”
“Last night.”
His eyebrows shot up. “How’d you find time to squeeze that in?” He held up his hands. “So to speak.”
Shane had to laugh, just a little. “After the threat was eliminated, we were stuck in a cave. The gunfire set off a rock slide. Too risky to try and dig out. I knew the service would find us before long, and I had Rafa safe and contained. So we sat back and waited.”
“And got busy.”
“It was wrong. I know. But in that moment…I didn’t care. He was alive, and he was kissing me. And I might have kissed him first, when I found him. Seeing him again, all in one piece, it was…powerful.” Shane’s heart sped up just thinking about it, his stomach flipping with remembered anxiety and relief. “I didn’t know if we’d actually make it. Figured what the hell.” He rubbed his face. “It was incredibly irresponsible.”
“Yeah, but it was also an incredibly fucked-up and scary situation. You were pumping with adrenaline. Wanting to have sex is a pretty common response. Reaffirms that you’re alive. Besides, it’s more than sex. Shane, if you just wanted to bang Rafael Castillo, I’d tell you to suck it up, go pick up some hot young Latino hunk at a club, and get it out of your system.”
“Maybe that’s what I should do.”
“Nope. Because it’s not just sex.”
Shane gulped his beer, his palm wet from the condensation where he gripped the bottle. “How do you know?”
“Because I know you. And you’ve been sleepwalking for a long time now. But this boy woke you up.”
“I haven’t been sleepwalking,” Shane scoffed. “I’ve been busy. The service asks for a lot. It’s a demanding job.”
“Bitch, you think I don’t know from demanding jobs catching murderers and rapists?”
Shane relented. “True. So you should understand why I haven’t had time for dating and all that stuff.”
“All that stuff,” Darnell echoed. “Like friends, for example.”
“I have friends.”
“You have a couple guys from work, and you have me. And do you know why you have me? Because I’m a stubborn son of a bitch, and I stayed in touch with your sorry ass while you were transferring all around the damn country. I didn’t hold it against you when you took two months to answer an email.”
“Yes, I can tell,” Shane replied dryly. “It didn’t bother you at all.” He took another sip from his bottle. “I know I’ve never been the best at that stuff.”
“And when your folks died, you shut down completely.” Darnell raised his hand as Shane opened his mouth. “And I understand why. I do. I understand why you became even more of a workaholic, and the service was only too happy to bleed you dry. But sometimes life smacks us upside the head when we least expect it. You’ve been smacked but good, Shane. Admit it.”
As Darnell waited, Shane struggled for the words. “I don’t understand why I feel this way. I do want to fuck him. God, do I. But it’s more than that. I like talking to him. He’s funny and smart. I want to keep him safe. Not because it’s my job. But because I hate to think of him unhappy or hurt. I want to see him smile. There’s this…when he smiles for real, I can tell the difference. I want him to smile like that all the time.”
“You wanna see that face when you wake up every morning?”
Shane rolled the question around in his mind, his heart beating loudly in his ears. He exhaled. “I do. I really fucking do. This is crazy. I’m out of my mind.”
“It happens to the best of us, Shane.” Darnell patted his arm. “Hoo boy, I tell you I knew this was different. Could see it in your eyes when you told me about that first kiss. If I offered to take your mind off your worries right now, what would you say?”