Kidnapped by the Pirate

“When you were born—” She broke off with a sudden sob, tears overflowing. “I watched Mother die, and I promised God I would look after you. Did I fail you?”

“No! This is no fault of yours, I promise.” He couldn’t fight his own tears. “No one could have cared for me better, Susie. Thank you.” He pushed up, ignoring the scream of pain in his gut, and pulled her into an embrace as they wept.

They were all sniffles and gulping breaths, and when Susanna eased back to the chair, she wiped her cheeks. “All right. Now. Is there someone you…care for?”

Fresh tears threatened as he whispered, “Yes.”

“Yes. All right.” She laughed, slightly giddy, eyes still wet. “I keep saying that, don’t I? I’m sorry. So, this… Well, who is he? Someone from Worthingside? You often spent time in the woods nearest to that estate. Mr. Stanford, perhaps? He was still unmarried last I heard.”

“No, it’s no one from home. It’s… On the ship…”

Her brows shot up. “The merchant ship? I don’t recall that you spent time with anyone in particular…” Eyes widening, she whispered, “You don’t mean… My God, the pirate ship?”

He nodded. “Captain Hawk.”

“The… The captain? The man who took you?” She waited for his reply, mouth agape.

“Yes. I know what you must be thinking—”

“I don’t understand. What are you saying? That you… That you and he… With a pirate? With that nefarious man?” She gasped. “When you arrived, you were quite bruised. Tell me truthfully. Did he…ravish you? Force you to submit to his cruel desires?”

“No, I swear. I wanted it. I lay with him willingly.”

“But it’s unthinkable! Nathaniel, it’s…” Susanna pressed her hand to her chest, lowering her voice conspiratorially. “It’s terribly thrilling.”

His heart skipped, hope blooming amid the dark muck of misery. He waited for her to continue, watching her breathe fast and shallow.

She gave a little gasp, covering her mouth again, as if shocked by herself. She lowered her hand and whispered, “Did you truly…with that pirate captain?”

His throat felt like he’d swallowed gravel, and he sounded like it too. “I did. I was his prisoner, granted, but I chose it of my own free will. He was… I began to know him—the real man behind the myth. I…” Emotion choked Nathaniel. “I began to love him.”

“Love?” she murmured, eyes like saucers. “I didn’t think… So it’s more than simply…” She waved her hand.

“Yes. Much more. There was tenderness and sharing. I’m not sure how to describe it.”

“But he stabbed you! You almost died.”

“It wasn’t him, nor any of the crew. It was Father’s messenger. He tried to kill Hawk, and I jumped between them. I couldn’t bear to see him hurt.”

“My goodness.” She fanned her face with her hand. “I feel like one of those terribly fragile women who are prone to the vapors.”

He sat with difficulty. “Should I call for someone?” He threw back the blanket, groaning as he tried to swing his legs around.

“No, hush.” She urged him back to the mattress and tucked the blanket around him. “I’ve never suffered from delirium a day in my life. I shan’t start now.” Exhaling a long breath, she nodded. “All right. You love this man. Does he love you?”

Nathaniel’s stomach swooped. Does he? Am I fooling myself most cruelly? “I think he might. I want to find out. I must. I want to be with him. Wake by his side, live our days like… Well, like anyone else, I suppose.”

She took this in. “I confess it’s difficult to imagine. He was so fearsome!”

“It’s an act. Most of it, at least. Father forced him into that life by revoking his letter of marque unfairly years ago. And yes, he’s committed many crimes. But there is more to him, I swear. Kindness and longing. He’s a man like any other. Everyone sees him as a pirate—”

“Because that’s what he is! A killer.”

So am I. But Nathaniel could not utter it aloud. If he exposed this truth as well, he’d never be able to look Susanna in the face again for fear of what he’d see there.

“Yes. Without question. Yet I accept it. If that exposes a deficiency in my character, I have to accept that as well. I can’t marry Elizabeth. I could never be a proper husband. It wouldn’t be fair to her. As unnatural as it may be to desire other men, it is my nature. I have made peace with it. I must find a way to have a life where I am not in misery all of my days. Hiding. Alone, even if surrounded by a family.”

Her face crumpled. “Oh, Nathaniel. It would break my heart. No, I would never wish that for you. You should have love and comfort and happiness.” She sat back and was silent, wiping her eyes.

She was quiet for so long that Nathaniel grew sleepy. He was so easily drained, and he closed his eyes, listening to her steady breathing, her familiar presence a balm. He’d revealed his core and she hadn’t turned away.