Ends of the Earth

I had sex.

He could hardly believe it had happened, but he could feel where Ben had pushed his cock inside, where their bodies had joined. Despite already coming twice, his groin tightened. He hadn’t known sex could be like that. Hadn’t known it could peel away every one of his layers of protection and leave him a nerve exposed at the root. Hadn’t known something could be so incredible and terrifying at the same time.

Sweat prickled the back of his neck. Shit, he’d run out on Ben, who was good and kind and deserved better. And he’d been reckless, so selfish in leaving Maggie for even a minute. And now his parents were back, and, and, and—

“Jason?”

Heart hammering, he shot to his feet, barely catching the chair before it crashed. He stared at Ben, who stood in shadow, backlit in the shaft of light from the hall.

Ben came closer, that concern etched on his handsome face once again. He peered down at Maggie, who was still asleep. “Is she all right?”

Jason jerked out a nod.

“Then what’s wrong?” he whispered. “You look like you’re going to fly out of your skin.” He reached out, but Jason staggered back, shaking his head. Ben lifted his hands in surrender. “I’m sorry. I just want to talk.”

With a long look at Maggie, Jason led the way into the bathroom, both of them blinking in the sudden glare as he switched on the light. Ben pulled the door halfway shut and took a deep breath, his shoulders hitching.

“I realize you probably don’t want to see me right now, but I just had to make sure Maggie was okay.”

“She is now. She was freaking out wondering where I was.”

“Shit.”

Ben scrubbed a hand through his hair, and a thrill of excitement zipped through Jason as he remembered the sensation of those long fingers inside him. In the small bathroom, Ben’s scent filled Jason’s nose—clean like hotel soap, but still musky and tangy like pine. Jason wanted to rub against him at the same time he wished he could retreat and turn off these new feelings.

“I’m sorry about what happened. It’s been a long time since I was with a virgin—or an almost-virgin—and I thought I went slowly enough. Was I too impatient? Did I hurt you?”

Jason studied the simple tile pattern under his sneakers. “No.”

“Obviously I did something wrong. Will you please tell me?”

“It wasn’t anything you did.”

“You can’t even look at me.”

Jason raised his head then, wishing he knew the right thing to say as he looked into Ben’s beseeching eyes. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It was just…”

“Because I’m a man?”

“No. It’s not that. I’m gay. I know that’s the truth. It’s all the other things. My parents want to take over, and I just got Maggie back, and everything is changing too fast.”

“Wait, your parents?”

He could still hardly believe it was true. “They’re here. They said they’re sorry. That they want to help and were worried about us when they saw the news.”

Ben’s brows rose. “Wow. I wasn’t expecting that. Obviously you weren’t either.”

“Or Maggie. They just showed up, like, ‘Hey, it’s Grandma and Grandpa! We’re here to take care of everything!’ And I wasn’t here. She was with a room full of strangers, so upset and scared, and I was with you because I’m selfish.”

Leaning forward, Ben implored, “You’re not. Jason, you said Maggie told you to go. That she didn’t want to be smothered. You weren’t gone that long, and you had no way of knowing your parents would show up. You can’t see the future. You can’t be with her every second of every day. You’re allowed to have time to yourself. To have your own feelings. Your own desires.”

“But this is what happens!” Jason took a shuddery breath and lowered his voice again. “I was distracted with you on the trail. Attracted to you and flirting, and I gave that son of a bitch the chance to grab her.”

“She was out of sight for maybe thirty seconds. And today…” His face creased. “I’m sorry if I pressured you. That was the last thing I wanted to do.”

Jason’s stomach clenched to see Ben’s stricken expression. “No. You didn’t, not at all.”

“I feel sick to think that I took advantage or—”

“You really didn’t. You asked me a bunch of times, and I said yes. When I left I was freaking, but you didn’t talk me into anything. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to have sex. I made that choice. Just like I chose to be a father and dedicate my life to Maggie. I have to focus on her. I was selfish today, and I can’t let that happen again.”

“But you don’t have to do it on your own. Let me help you. Let me take care of you. I can—”