The Christmas Deal

Seth drained his glass and thunked it onto a coaster on the wooden table. “That’s what I’m telling you. Been afraid to try dating again.” He screwed up his face. “The whole…rigmarole of it. It’s exhausting to contemplate. Now there are these apps, and I’ll probably do it all wrong. Do you use them?”

Before Logan could answer, Seth inhaled sharply. “Although you and your wife didn’t break up, she…” He covered his mouth before dropping his hand, face even redder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to draw a comparison. That was incredibly thoughtless.”

“It’s okay.” Maybe Logan should have felt worse, but Veronica was gone. He felt like shit most of the time for a lot of reasons, and he was so tired of it. “Like I told you, our marriage was a bad idea from the start, and it was already over. I can’t change any of it. But hey, you can get back out there. Back on the horse.” He needed to take his own advice.

“Right.” Seth repeated, “Right,” murmuring almost to himself, “I need to conquer my fear.”

Man, Seth really was wound tight. “It’ll be like riding a bike.”

“Seeing Brandon yesterday, I was terrified.” He shook his head, exhaling a little huff of air and half-smiling. “I’m sure you could tell.”

“I might have picked up on it.”

Seth shifted to face Logan, his right leg bent on the leather couch, his eyes bright and earnest. “But you helped me. Having you there… None of this is real, but Brandon doesn’t need to know that. Seeing him, it feels like I crossed a raging river, and I’m finally on the other side. You know what I mean? If I run into Brandon and Peter again, I can just smile and wish them well, and that’s that. I’m over the hurdle. I can’t tell you how liberating that feels. Thank you.”

Satisfaction flowed through Logan. He was so fucking useless most of the time, and being needed warmed his veins even more than the scotch. “You’re welcome.” He shrugged. “I like helping you,” he said without thinking. It was the truth, and as Seth beamed at him, his blue eyes so damn sincere, an idea popped into Logan’s head.

A crazy fucking idea.

He might be no good to anyone most of the time, but getting off? That he could help with. Maybe it was the beer and scotch—although he’d barely had three fingers—or Seth talking about sex, but the idea rocked through him with a bolt of adrenaline.

Maybe Seth would turn him down flat, but… Shit. Logan really, really wanted to help make this all better. Wanted Seth to look at him again like he was special and good.

Before he could lose his nerve, he blurted, “Here’s another deal for you. I’ll help you get off. Get over your hang-up about it.”

Seth’s eyes widened, and he stared, his mouth opening and closing. “You’ll… What did you say?”

Logan shrugged even though excitement pinballed through him. Maybe this was stupid, like most of his ideas, but his dick was coming alive at the thought. “We could mess around. But if you don’t want to—”

“I didn’t say that.” Seth licked his lips, leaning closer over the space between them on the couch. His eyes were bright, the earnestness replaced by clear hunger. “But you’re straight. Aren’t you?”

“So? Doesn’t mean I don’t want to just get off sometimes. Men are less complicated. We know what we want. Don’t have to worry about feelings and all that shit. It’s easier.”

Seth stared at him. Holding up a hand, he squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them. “You’re telling me… Are you saying that you have relations with other men?”

“You mean sex? Sure, once in a while. In the Marines, you’d help a buddy out. Or in the bunkhouse at the rail yard sometimes. Sometimes do it quick in a bathroom. If someone gives me a look and offers to suck my dick, I’m not gonna say no.”

“I…” Seth was staring at him like he had two heads. “I never would have guessed. Huh. Huh.” He was quiet a moment, biting his lip. “Have you ever done it? Been the one doing the…?” He waved his hand.

“The sucking?” At Seth’s red-faced nod, Logan answered, “A few times when I was in Iraq. Fair’s fair. But it’s mostly hand jobs, or I’ll fuck someone’s ass if they want it. Like I said, it’s just about getting off.” He shrugged. “Not that there’s anything wrong with sucking cock. I don’t look down on you or anything.”

Seth’s eyebrows rose. “Ah. Good to know. So… Have you ever been…on the bottom?”

“No. That would be way too… No. Not into it.” He could admit he’d never tried, and that the idea of being fucked was way too…much. Too gay, although he didn’t say that out loud. There wasn’t anything wrong with it. It just wasn’t for him.