The Christmas Deal

For so many years, he’d told himself Christmas wasn’t for him. That he didn’t deserve it somehow. Standing in front of the tree, surrounded by holiday glitter and color, he ached down to his bones for this home to truly be his and not only for show.

Yet it wasn’t.

The charmingly clumsily wrapped presents were surely empty. Only window dressing for the life he was pretending was real for Angela’s sake. It was all window dressing—the new furniture and decorations, and Logan himself. Come the new year, Logan would be gone, the decorations would come down, and Seth would be alone again.

“Is it not good?”

Seth hadn’t heard Logan’s approach, and he jumped, managing an awkward laugh, glad that he’d kept the tears from falling. Not meeting Logan’s gaze, he forced a smile, looking all around the room. “It’s fantastic!”

“Yeah? Jenna told me what to do, so…”

When Seth made himself look at Logan, Logan was watching him warily. Seth was able to smile genuinely this time. “It really is wonderful. Thank you.”

“Okay. Cool.” Logan carried his own boots, his father shuffling up behind him.

Bill sat heavily on the far end of the sofa and groaned as he bent to tug on his boots. Logan made a step toward him, but his father snapped, “I can do it!”

So Seth and Logan stood awkwardly by the sliding door, waiting. Seth said, “I’ll shovel a path,” and escaped outside. He’d left a spare shovel on the porch and went to work gladly.

Even if this was all for show, at least his house would be finished. His grill would even be seasoned! And at least he’d gotten over his hang-up about casual sex. Hadn’t he? Even if he craved more with Logan, he wasn’t going to get it, and that was simply the way it was.

Yes, in the new year, Seth would start dating. He’d install the apps and go out with a bunch of men, and maybe he’d eventually meet someone who wanted more with him. Something real. In the meantime, he could enjoy the holidays with Logan, couldn’t he?

Well. After tonight’s dinner and the weekend retreat tomorrow. After they convinced Angela they were madly in love. Piece of cake.

Fortunately, Mr. Derwood was a wealth of information on barbecuing, and he seasoned the grill and taught Seth how to use it, giving him cooking times and techniques. Seth took out his phone and tapped notes, his bare fingers icy. Logan finished shoveling the rest of the back deck, even though there wasn’t really a need.

Time was marching on, and Logan drove his father home while Seth set the steaks marinating and prepped the creamy, cheesy scalloped potato ingredients. When Logan came home—came back—he mumbled an offer to vacuum and mop, keeping his gaze anywhere but meeting Seth’s eyes.

Brandon had wanted a sound system wired through the main floor, and Seth had reluctantly agreed. He’d never actually used it, but after a while, he went to the stereo set back in a little alcove between the dining room and great room and turned on a Christmas channel on one of the streaming networks.

Judy Garland’s rich, soulful voice filled the main floor. As Seth obsessed over the thickness of his potato slices and ensuring consistency, Logan fiddled with a fresh pad on the steam mop. It seemed very likely it was his first encounter with such a device, but he didn’t ask for help.

It was all very…domestic, and Seth tried to pretend it didn’t make his heart swell.

But this isn’t real. Logan is your fake boyfriend. Remember that.

“This is a pretty song,” Logan said. “A little sad, though.”

“Oh, the mention of ‘muddling through’ in this version is nothing compared to the original lyrics. Most depressing Christmas song ever.”

“Really?” Bent over the mop, Logan grumbled something under his breath.

Seth had to laugh. “Are you ready to declare defeat and ask me how to get the pad on?”

Logan glared, but there was no heat to it. He stood back with his hands on his hips. The black Henley that stretched over his chest and arms clung to his muscles. He looked like he belonged on the back of a motorcycle rather than steam mopping.

He’s doing it for me.

Seth reminded himself that it was all part of their deal as he showed Logan how to release the mechanism and slip on a new pad. To distract himself from Logan’s muscles, he rambled on.

“Yeah, the original version of ‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas’ posits that this Christmas might be our last, so enjoy it while we can. Which isn’t untrue, but it was less ‘seize the day and grab happiness’ and more a ‘life sucks and then you die’ vibe. They rewrote it, and then it was tweaked again for Sinatra’s version. That’s the most common one. All happiness and sweet nostalgia.”