The Christmas Deal

But Seth was staring at him like he was seeing a car accident, and Logan’s chest seized up tight, a dagger of pain returning.

Seth ran a hand through his hair, clutching at it. “I’m so sorry. That wasn’t part of the deal.”

Right. The deal.

“No.” But… Fuck, Logan had never kissed another man before tonight, and now he wanted to kiss Seth more than anything. Needed it. Maybe it was gay, or bi, or whatever the fuck, and right then, he didn’t care. He didn’t care that Seth was a guy. All he cared about was kissing him again.

Before Logan could even try to find the right words to say any of that, Seth was up and tugging on his clothes even though it was time for bed. His fingers shook as he did up the buttons on his wrinkly shirt and said, “You’ve helped me so much, but I think we should keep things strictly business from now on. We just need to pretend through the retreat. A few more days. No more of…this.” He shook his head, gaze on his trembling hands. “I really do apologize. Clearly this was a mistake.”

Logan had to say something, but the tightness in his chest increased, cramping pain radiating outward. Seth thought it was a mistake? Hell, he was probably right. Logan’s mind spun like an old record player with the needle stuck.

“I hope you’ll accept my apology.” Seth stood stiffly by the bed. His shirt was even tucked into his slacks.

Logan was still naked, and he needed to reassure Seth that he wasn’t angry. That he…he was… Glad. But that made no sense. He’d always been straight—he’d never liked a guy. It was just supposed to be casual, but now Seth was so shaken, and Logan wanted to make it right.

“It’s okay,” he said, because he was useless.

Seth nodded tightly and walked out of the room. His room, and now Logan was sitting there naked on Seth’s bed trying to figure out what the fuck was happening.

He had no clue where to begin, so he stumbled up and yanked on his clothes. Seth was downstairs. “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” echoed up from the speakers they’d left on before it was switched off.

In the silence, Logan tiptoed into the bathroom adjoining the guest room, closing the door. He leaned over the sink and splashed his face with cold water.

This was all supposed to be fake.

While he leaned against the counter, taking deep breaths and trying to understand, he heard a door close. Peeking into the hall, he saw it was to Seth’s bedroom. Should he go knock? What the fuck was he going to say? Maybe he should give Seth time alone. Seth seemed to want it, so he shouldn’t push.

He crept downstairs. The great room was lit by the Christmas tree—soft blue, green, red, yellow, and pink lights that reflected on the tall glass windows. Logan pressed his forehead to the sliding door, watching the snow drift down and inhaling the fresh pine in the air.

Everything was silent. Peaceful. But in his head, he heard Seth on a loop.

“That wasn’t part of the deal.”

“Clearly this was a mistake.”

It was after midnight when Logan accepted that Seth wasn’t coming back down. Should he go up? They should probably talk about it, as much as Logan dreaded the thought. Would Seth be glad if Logan went up and got into bed with him?

He huddled under the blanket on the couch, closing his eyes and trying not to think about kissing Seth, wishing he knew the right thing to do for once in his damn life.

Chapter Fourteen

Seth told himself again that he needed to stop talking.

He’d been nattering on during the entire drive to Connor’s school, Logan mumbling agreements every so often as Seth sermonized about global warming, the abysmal state of world politics, and a recent scandal involving one of the judges on a baking show. As if Logan cared in the least about baking shows!

Although he had made that cake.

As Seth exited the freeway, his belly flip-flopped, a sweet spike of warmth filling him. That adorably lopsided, delicious cake that had been Mrs. Derwood’s favorite. That Logan had baked it for him filled Seth with such gratitude and affection, which was insane since it had all been for show.

It was only part of the deal. Nothing more.

It felt like more, though. Just like last night had. Seth’s bottom was sore, but in a pleasing way that gave him a forbidden thrill every time he shifted on the heated seat. It had been so long since he’d experienced sex like that. He’d been abstinent for over a year, but even before that with Brandon, the fire had petered out long before.

With Logan, he’d felt consumed. Mastered and taken care of, known in a way that made him want to weep with pleasure and gratitude. Logan had called him baby, and Seth had felt loved, even though he knew it was impossible. But he could fool himself in the moment.