Beautifully Destroyed (Beautifully Broken)

“God, Finlay, no. Never think that.” His hand moves to the side of my face. “Look at me.”

It feels like an impossible feat, but I slowly lift my eyes to his. What I see makes the tears rush back. His features are tight, as if he’s in pain, his eyes sad.

“What happened doesn’t define who you are. The Finlay I got to know the past three weeks… she’s blown my mind.” He swallows hard. “You’re the most amazing girl I’ve ever met.”

A tear sneaks over my cheek, and he quickly brushes it away.

“You have complete control in our relationship. Okay?”

I nod, giving him a shaky smile.

“Can you tell me what might trigger a panic attack so I can avoid it?”

My tongue darts out, wetting my lips. “I don’t know.”

Ethan misunderstands, his eyebrows drawing together. “I don’t want to accidentally do something that takes you back to … that day.”

I shake my head quickly. “I mean, I don’t know what will trigger a flashback.”

“Oh.” He takes a deep breath, thinking for a moment. “You don’t like someone behind you.”

My eyes widen because now that he says it, I realize it makes me remember the attacker grabbing me from behind and dragging me to the mattress. That’s why I had a panic attack when Eli came up behind me on Christmas day.

“Yes. That’s definitely a trigger,” I agree.

“Touching?” he asks, and seeing how serious he is about avoiding my triggers makes a warm feeling spread through my chest.

“Only certain people.”

“Me?”

Considering what we're discussing, I’m surprised how easy the chuckle comes. “You’re safe.”

The corner of his mouth lifts. “Kissing?”

I nod. “Safe.”

“You’re okay being alone with me?”

My eyes drift over Ethan’s face, and my heart melts at how considerate he is. “Yes. I feel safe with you.”

“So I can hug the crap out of you?”

Nodding, I let out a burst of laughter, and he immediately pulls me against his chest.

“Thank you for telling me. I can’t imagine how hard it must’ve been for you.” His lips brush against my neck. “Just in case you need to hear it, you really are safe with me. I’ll always respect your boundaries.”

“Thank you,” I whisper, burrowing closer to him. “Thank you for being exactly what I need.”

“Always, baby.”

Hearing the term of endearment, a wide smile spreads across my face, and my stomach flutters.

Ethan clears his throat. “If you ever need to talk about what happened, I’m on standby twenty-four-seven. Okay?”

I nod, closing my eyes and relaxing against him.

“Did they catch him? Is there a hearing?”

I shake my head.

Ethan’s arms tighten around me again. “The bastard’s still out there?”

When I nod, his arms tighten even more, and instead of making me panic, I feel grounded against his chest and as if nothing in this world can touch me.

Ethan presses a kiss to my temple. “Can I tuck you inside my heart where no one can ever hurt you again?”

My lips curve up, and I nod.

I shift into a comfortable position, resting my cheek beneath his chin. Closing my eyes, I let this moment wash over me, where I’m an ordinary girl being held by the guy she likes.

I hate what Ethan went through, but more than ever, I feel connected to him after we opened up to each other.

“Favorite color?” he whispers.

“Blue. You?”

“Same.”

I rub my cheek against his sweater.

“You going to keep helping Quinn at the bakery?” he asks, his tone lulling me until every muscle in my body is relaxed.

“I want to start giving piano and guitar lessons again,” I admit.

“I’ll be your first student.”

Grinning, I ask, “You want to learn how to play an instrument?”

He nods, his chin brushing against my hair. “The guitar. Is it hard?”

I shake my head. “Not to me.”

“New Year’s resolutions? Got any?” His voice is a low rumble, sending goosebumps scattering over my skin.

“To forget.”

“Any way I can help?” He leans his head to the side, glancing down at me.

Lifting my eyes, they drift over his face as I nod. I push up against him and press my mouth to his.

Ethan follows my lead as my lips nip at his, giving me complete control like he said he would. I bring a hand up, cupping his jaw and tilting my head, my tongue brushes over his bottom lip.

Exhilaration bubbles in my chest, knowing this big, rugged-looking man who’s so much stronger than me is giving me all the power.

Slipping my tongue into his mouth, I bring my other hand up to the side of his neck, my body’s full weight leaning against his.

I fall deeper into Ethan, the kiss becoming intense and robbing me of my breath. Our tongues dance and explore, our lips kneading until they’re swollen and tingling.

A groan rumbles from Ethan, and he breaks the kiss, dropping his head back against the couch and out of my reach. “Wait. I need a second.” Then he moves completely away from me, climbing to his feet and walking to the kitchen.