Love in Purgatory (De La Fuente Family 2)

“Everyone comes here to think,” Eric drawled as he entered and closed the door behind himself.

“Why Eric? Why didn’t she tell everyone back then?”

“You heard her. You refused to listen to what she had to say.”

“Fuck,” he cursed and tugged at his hair while he noticed his brother’s frown.

As a rule, he never cursed, or at least he hadn’t since he’d become a priest, but now he wanted to scream or curse or, maybe even, punch something.

“You can’t blame Emelia for all this. She was only eighteen when she overheard the truth—too young...I don’t get why you’re not relieved. The feelings you have for Emelia, although not ideal, are not wrong.”

Dante moved to the window and looked out while he tried to calm down, and he admitted, “I am relieved about that. Some part of me must have known, but it doesn’t really make any difference in the long run. I’m still a priest.” He let the silence surround them before he added, “My relationship suffered with our one remaining parent, Eric.” He turned to face his brother. “For many years, I could hardly be in the room with Father because of what I thought he’d done. I suffered for years with the knowledge that our father had an affair when, in actual fact, he hadn’t. He lost a good friend in our uncle Elias. We lost our cousins. Lives changed because of what happened.”

Feeling weary, Dante dropped into a chair and rested his head against the back of it while he gazed up at the glass ceiling. He couldn’t see anything because the snow had covered the roof, so he closed his eyes and rubbed at his temple. “I gave everything up when I realized I had feelings for Emelia and thought she was my sister. I ran scared, Eric, and for what?”

He lifted his head and met Eric’s gaze as his brother answered, “You have a real chance at happiness…more than you thought you’d ever be allowed, and you need to think about what you want more—Emelia or the church.”

Tears came out of nowhere as he pressed his finger and thumb against his eyelids to try and stop them from falling. “I wish it was that easy,” he admitted quietly.

“It is,” Eric stated before he left him alone.

No, it wasn’t.

He felt so tired that his body wanted to stay where he was, but he needed to move, and leave the house.

Home called him and was the only place that he’d be able to think properly. His family wouldn’t be around, making it easier to get his head in the place that he needed it to be. He needed the clear air and the quiet of Frederick, and he certainly needed to be somewhere that his family wasn’t.

He felt hollow inside, as though everything had gone poof with what he’d heard...turning his head toward the door, he heard footfalls outside just before the handle turned and his father walked inside.

He watched as his father walked closer and took the seat opposite him without giving him a choice as to whether or not Dante wanted to talk. “I need you to understand something,” his father started and paused when he couldn’t go on.

His father looked his sixty-five years, when he usually looked ten years younger. His face was strained with raw emotion running through him. So when he’d pulled himself together and continued, Dante listened, “I fell in love with your mother when I was fourteen years old, and I never looked at anyone else. I’d have given her the world if she’d asked, and when she died I kept the promise that I made to her. It seemed so important to her that she know her children and me were looked after when she left us. Neither of us considered what that promise would do to the family—to you, our eldest son.

“For a long time, I let life pass me by, and in truth, if it hadn’t been for Lucia, I’d have probably followed your mother because I was working myself into the ground. Lucia made sure I ate, and she made sure my sons had food on the table, carried on with school. Lucia made sure that everyone kept moving forward.”

His father paused to wipe at his eyes, and Dante didn’t know how he was supposed to feel at his father’s words.

“Lucia held us all together,” his father continued, “When you asked me to sign the papers for school, I had no idea it was for you to board at an all boys catholic school. It wasn’t until Lucia was heavily pregnant and put on bed rest that I realized how much she did for us all, and it made me sit up and finally take notice.” He offered Dante a wry smile, “If you remember, I visited you at school and tried to get you to come home, but you refused. You’re as stubborn as me…and, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me the most.”

Dante sat forward and rubbed at his forehead again, his headache getting worse. “Things would have been so different if you’d at least confided in me, and maybe Eric. We were the oldest and more able to understand why you married a pregnant Lucia. Everything could have been so different.” He looked away before he met his father’s gaze again. “I probably would still be in the restaurant business.”

“What? I thought you loved being a priest...you don’t?” his father asked in more shock than before.

What was he really saying?

He hadn’t been settled in the collar for a good while, but that was because of his feelings for Emelia.

“Dante?”

“I ran to the church...after something happened. Something that, at the time, I thought was wrong. So very wrong.” He sighed, heavily. “And now I’ve learned that it wasn’t wrong after all. Well, not as wrong as I thought it was.”

“You aren’t making a bit of sense now.” His father frowned.

“I know I’m not.” Dante stood and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I’m going to head home. I need time to think about everything.” He moved, and placed his hand on his father’s shoulder and squeezed. “I love you, Dad, and even though it hurts a lot for the time that we wasted, I do understand. I remember you and Mom before she got sick. You’d have given her anything, and sometimes I used to think that if you could have, you’d have traded places with her so that she could live.”

His father covered his hand and patted, and with one last squeeze, Dante walked out and went to grab his things so he could leave quickly.

Chapter Nineteen