Mission For Love (Love By Design 6)

“Yes. I’ll take you there. I’m not going to lose.”

It was in that moment I realized that David’s plea was bigger than me, us, all of it. We’d both faced losses and in the midst of admitting our love for each other it culminated in this moment.

Now or never.

Yes or no.

Do or die.

Epilogue

KIARA

“Will you calm down, please. I can’t sit here if you’re going to vibrate like a jumping bean.” I placed my hand on his knee as my stomach rolled and flopped. It felt like I was on a boat sloshing over water and all I could see was green.

The past year was the most wonderful I could have imagined with David. We got married, started projects around the house we bought, my favorite being the back deck where he set up his telescope on clear nights. He taught me the constellations and all the myths and legends that went with them. Even my wedding dress had embroidered stars and moons in the lace. It would be hard imaging how all of this would change. But that was a part of life wasn’t it? To be able to roll with the tide of change.

“I don’t know how you can be so calm. I can’t be calm. There’s nothing calm about this diagnosis.” David stood up and paced the room of the doctor’s office. He looked at green as I felt. His nervous energy turned my wave skipping boat into a roller coaster.

This should have been a happy day for us.

Technically our wedding anniversary.

We’d been here once before and the news scared us then. The possibility of no longer being in remission. The tests and treatments that would follow. The bleak days of illness as my body rejected the poison created to cure it. I dreaded that news and held on to hope.

I reached for my husband, my wedding band of diamonds glinting under the florescent lights of the office. He stopped pacing for a moment and knelt down in front of me, his face wearing that worried expression I’d come to love. His big hands rubbed up and down my legs to rest on my knees warming me in the air conditioned chill of the office. His head ducks down and I run my fingers over the short stubble on the back of his neck. Groaning he looked up at me, his eyes filled with unshed tears.

“I’m sorry sweetheart. I just can’t stop thinking.” He was thinking about our future as much as I was. He resumed worrying whereas I’ll let it be for now while my tummy tucks and rolls inside my jeans. David stood up and resumed the pacing before hovering in the corner. It gave him a place to focus his energy even if it made him look like a naughty overgrown boy.

We had so many plans ahead of us. I was taking my senior girls track team to a regional competition in Albany. We planned to attend the Olympic Trials. We wanted to go hiking in Iceland and see the Aurora Borealis. The pictures from Whit and Lia’s honeymoon were amazing and inspiring. But I knew David’s protective side would rear it’s fierce head giving me one heck of a fight.

“David, we’re here to find out if I’m pregnant, not dying.” My lips quirked as my stomach reminded me what had started all this fuss in the first place.

He turned around, hands rested on his lean hips as his eyes scoured the various posters of women’s anatomy all over the walls. “That’s easy for you to say. I didn’t even think of all the complications this could cause. What the hell was I thinking?” He meant my overall health, not the joy of raising a little mini person with a combination of our best qualities.

“I’m pretty sure it takes two to get into this situation, darling husband.” And really, it didn’t take much beyond that. Once I’d gotten the all clear from my oncologist we stopped my birth control and decided to let nature take its course.

“Don’t you darling husband me. That’s exactly how we got into this.” He pointed a finger at me, but his lips twitched and the smile he held back broke through.

“You know, I hadn’t really given a ton of thought to what being a mother would be like.”

“Because you changed you mind?”

“Oh no, nothing like that. We talked about this when I stopped my birth control. I’ve always wanted to be a mom, I guess, I just didn’t think it would happen.”

“I have excellent sperm.” David said with such convincing resolve I busted out laughing. “What? I do. I must. I mean, I got you pregnant.”

I bite my lip to get control of myself. He’s sweet and it was endearing to see how certain he was about all of this.

“Of course you have excellent sperm. I was having a moment of personal conflict because I’m so awed that I’m in this place in my life. I’m here with you, and we’re married, and we’re possibly starting a family as I speak. I feel blessed, like maybe I don’t deserve it, but I really do have it.”

“You will always have these things with me. I’m honored that I get to give them to you and be with you to experience all of this.” David took my hands and pulled me up to stand. His arms embraced me and he hugged me tight giving me his strength. “I love you Kiara. It doesn’t matter if we’re pregnant today, or a year from now. My life is yours.” We kissed for a moment, his apple taste always on my lips. Considering all smells and food were currently offensive, it was amazing to have something that brought me peace and joy. We pulled back at the sound of the door but David continued to hold onto to me, his arm around my shoulders tu

cking me tight against him.

Dr. Julia Hillman came in holding my chart. She motioned her hand for us both to sit opposite her desk. We clutched hands and smiled nervously. I hadn’t bothered with a test at home because I wanted absolute confirmation. Her husband Jonathon was also my pediatric oncologist and it felt right to see her.

“It looks like there will be a new addition to the Easton family in about seven months. You’re approximately six to eight weeks along, but I’ll need an ultrasound to check measurements.”