Mine To Keep (Love By Design 7)

“Only if I get to keep this little guy here.” Kristen mooed, making faces at my son and whispering baby talk to him.

“Hey, did I miss the fun?” Lia joined us, snapping her camera to capture all the moments. “Will you let me do his newborn shots, Remi? He is so cute! I have a little basket and the best backdrops in my studio.”

I nodded because I wanted to have those moments captured forever. The only camera I had was on my phone, and my son deserved something better than that.

“Hey, is this a girl-only party?” Peeking around the corner of my doorway, Evan stood. He wore his uniform and must have come right off his shift. His eyes smiled, melting the ice pack currently wedged between my legs. How had I missed his good looks and friendly smile? Even when he and Kristen were on-again, off-again, I seemed to have missed looking him over. Maybe it was the girl code I was following, fearful to lose what few friends I had made, but still. Our eyes met and it felt like everyone else in the room dissolved while the temperature increased. Boiling point should not have felt so good.

“Last I checked, only one pecker was allowed in here.” Kristen held up Ethan and the giggles followed. Evan merely rolled his eyes and went back to meeting mine. I nodded and he came into the room, standing close to my bed. His hand reached for my foot over the blanket and rubbed it gently.

“Kristen, behave. You’ve got an impressionable little man you’re ruining as we speak,” Taylor Jane chastised.

Kristen smiled as she crossed the room and handed my son over to Evan, whispering in his ear. I had no idea what she said to him, but he took Ethan and cradled him against his chest, his hands in all the right places, supporting my son. It was arm porn except he had all his clothing on, and I couldn’t do anything about it.

Vulnerable feelings wormed around my heart as Lia snapped a bunch of pictures before bringing the camera back to me to show me the images in the digital screen. They looked good together and I was conflicted in what I should do or say. Evan didn’t owe me anything, and yet he hung around well after the time his official duties and responsibilities ended. No man had ever been there for me like that before. I wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of emotions, hormones, and the general mess my head had become trying to sort out the tangled knots in my heart. I didn’t have room for anyone else. I shouldn’t have room because it was going to be Ethan and me against the world from now on.

“Okay, now a picture of all three of you. This is good.” Lia nudged Evan over and we smiled into the flash of her camera.

“Hey, hey, no tears! Makeup isn’t here yet.” Taylor Jane dabbed a tissue against my cheeks and Evan frowned.

“All right, take two. Squish on that baby!” Ever-encouraging Lia treated us like a family doing a shoot, and it made me both happy and sad. Well, mostly sad because we really weren’t a family.

“Ohh, let me see! Yes! Definitely adorable!” Kristen, Taylor Jane, and Winnie gushed over the photo and then went right into organizing gifts they’d brought.

“Someone order a cake?” Carmen and Louisa squeezed into my room next, carrying a three-tiered cake, which they placed on the bed tray and wheeled it over. They were practically my neighbors with Carmen’s bakery down the block from the bar and Louisa’s salon farther down.

“Makeup is here!” Taylor Jane pulled Louisa over and both started fretting over me like a three-ring circus. I wasn’t going to get any peace until they had their way with me, so I let them. Carmen popped the top off the cake box from her bakery, and a design of blue and white checkers with little zoo animals danced around the edges. A small bear in a clown costume juggled balls, a marshal tamed a circus lion, and a monkey rode a bicycle in little sugar paste figurines.

“Nobody touch the cake.” Lia snapped her camera, capturing every angle possible.

“It looks too pretty to eat.” Evan leaned down with Ethan, showing him the cake. They looked so innocent ogling the sugary confection. Evan made a dramatic whiff, smelling the cake as he made corresponding animal sounds, explaining each one to my son. Ethan pretty much gurgled his baby response. I loved it.

Louisa wiggled her perfectly sculpted eyebrows and muttered something about all boys loving cake no matter how old they were. I ignored the innuendo because I knew it was a harmless comment, but it was close enough to something Ryder said while having his wicked way with me. I needed that asshole to stop renting space in my head because he made it clear he wasn’t daddy material, and I would be wasting my time on a pipe dream.

“He’s going to need his two gay godaunts to set him straight on women.” Carmen kissed my cheek and hugged me. “The cake was nothing, sweetheart,” she assured me.

“Oh, that’s right! We have to call the church. Can I help you with any of that?” There was a commotion of plans being made, and Taylor Jane took notes so I could decide what I wanted later.

“You’re going to baptize him? In church?” Evan turned to look at me, his eyes filled with hesitation and what I assumed were questions, but before I could respond, Louisa gave him a once-over.

“Hey, you’re outnumbered here, buddy. Remi can do what she wants, and I’d be honored to be this little man’s godparent.”

“I think if he gets two godaunts, then Andy and David should be the goduncles.” Kristen gave Evan a scowl, and I wasn’t sure how to mediate the history between the two of them. My mouth was probably doing this fish face opening and closing as I desperately tried to volley between the conversations.

“I just meant I was surprised that’s all,” Evan whispered, looking duly chastised by Louisa and Carmen. They weren’t exactly Evan’s biggest fans, but they weren’t mean, just saying what I didn’t have the energy to. It felt like I was having to battle everyone in some way over my wishes and I was Ethan’s mother.

“Sounds like another reason to celebrate. I’m going to ask Andy and David if we can have the after-party at the bar.” Carmen nodded, busy cutting the cake into slices.

“That’s a good idea. Kristen and I can bring decorations over from Hart Designs.” Taylor Jane and Kristen snuck off to the corner to make phone calls and plan Ethan’s baptism party. I loved my tribe of girlfriends.

“Don’t forget to invite Kiara,” I reminded them, thinking about David’s new lady friend. He wasn’t exactly known for being charming, but he was a good guy dealing with his own issues.

Heads nodded as they conversed and ate cake. Eventually, I opened gifts with some assistance. There were clothes and baby supplies I hadn’t thought of to buy: special laundry detergent, bottle scrubbers, pacifiers and extra diapers. There was even a special pillow that was supposed to make feedings easier while holding the baby. I had been saving to buy one, but the girls surprised me and I cried. I seemed to be always crying at the drop of a hat. Who knew babies needed so much stuff?

“Oooh, look at how cute these onesies are.” Taylor Jane held each one up and we all gushed.

“This one is ours.” Louisa held one up that had stud muffin with a cupcake on the front that was obviously from her and Carmen.

“Mine is here!” Lia’s was black and white with an ultrasound picture on the front and a hash tag that read #tbt for throwback Thursday.