First

I start compressions. Ty and I work in tandem, me slamming out the rhythm while he breathes for her. It seems like forever, but it’s really a short minute or two before two paramedics rush to our aid. They take over and we have a chance to take our own shaky breaths.

But she doesn’t have that opportunity. Words buzz between the two men and all I can do is sit and watch. She’s so young. Face covered in soot, her nice business clothes ruined. She could be anything she wants. Have anyone she wants. Instead she lies here on the wet pavement, two strangers forcing her heart and lungs to work without their consent.

Jeff reappears, water bottles in hand. I swig half of mine and dump the rest over my head, skin still hyperaware of the heat thanks to my inept first attempt through the window.

They’re finally getting our girl onto the gurney. There’s been no change. She’s still not breathing. A woman, tears streaming down her cheeks, has broken from the crowd and waits near the ambulance. She sobs as they help her in and leave for the hospital, lights flashing.

Maybe it’s the victim’s mother. An aunt. A sister. In any case, I doubt that this morning they parted ways with any thought that they may never speak again. In the face of the fire, the victim clearly refused to lay down and wait. She managed to escape out the window. Did the man we rescued help her down so she didn’t get cut on the glass? Was she trying to go for help? If Cat was in the situation, would she know how to get out? Would Maya?

‘You okay, Jacobs?’ Ty asks me. ‘That was a bitch of a fall.’

The dull throb at the back of my skull intensifies. A knock to the back of the head, a bruised shin and knee. The tentative stomach cramps warning of impending heat exhaustion. Small stuff.

‘Fine,’ I assure him. Shit, they may see this fire on the news …

‘I wasn

’t sure you were going to be able to get up without us,’ Jeff scolds me. ‘For a second there it looked like you were trying to decide whether or not to take a nap.’

‘That’s only because you two were so damn slow,’ I joke, hoping it covers the thoughts popping into my head without my approval. There’s no time to call Maya, to assure her I’m okay…

The rumble shakes the air and we look toward the building. Crew members from the other engines are yelling and backing away in time for one corner of the building to give.

‘It’s going to be a long night,’ Ty says.

I nod. ‘Let’s go.’

The sooner we knock this fire down, the sooner I can make sure the people I love know I’m safe…

Jeff bumps into me when I stop mid-step. We both stumble and Ty catches my elbow.

‘You okay?’ he asks.

‘Fuck,’ I mutter, more from my realisation than the collision.

‘Jacobs, you may need to sit down. Or get the medics to check that bump on your head,’ Jeff says, eyeing me with concern.

Oh, God, no. Anything but this—

‘It’s not that,’ I try to explain, wresting myself from Ty. ‘Just thought of something. Doesn’t matter though. Where’s the captain?’

Ty and Jeff exchange a look I decide to ignore, but fall in step beside me. I need to get on a hose. Get up on the platform. Anything. Anything to make my brain shut up before it slams me with more news I don’t have the time or desire to process.

It’s not true, I tell myself.

Too bad I know my nausea’s got nothing to do with the heat now.

***

After the boisterous atmosphere of the station, my apartment is too quiet. I put away the groceries and turn on some of the lights. For a brief moment, I consider opening up the window to the spring breeze, but the familiar bite of smoke in the air makes me reconsider. The fire Jake and his crew left for must be big if we’re getting indicators of it over here by the college.

I’m able to last ten minutes before the silence gets to me. Turning the TV to the local news station provides soothing white noise. At least, it does until the newscaster mentions the fire.

‘Tonight, breaking news updates on the fire still raging downtown.’

I return to the living room with my glass of water and settle in on the couch, tucking my feet up under me. I reach for the remote to turn up the volume when my phone goes off.

The number’s not familiar, so I answer cautiously. ‘Hello?’