First

‘It’s fine. He said no. Whatever. I’ll find someone else.’

One of Maya’s greatest gifts is her expressive face, part of the reason she’s an acting major. However, in moments like this when her disapproval radiates over me, I really wish she wasn’t so good. ‘Catherine, you only get one chance for this—’

I snort into my drink.

Maya’s frown deepens. ‘Ha ha. My point is this isn’t something you want to rush.’

‘How do you know that?’ I gripe. ‘I have no religious objections or a strong guilt complex. And I don’t have some strong emotional attachment to my hymen—’

‘Ugh. That is such an ugly word.’ Maya shakes her head. ‘Hy-men. Seriously, who came up with that? Some drunken gynaecologist?’

‘Actually, it’s Latin, stolen from the Greek. And how did we get off topic?’ She tries to explain, but I ignore her commentary and forge ahead. ‘I want the experience, Maya. Why can’t that just be enough?’

‘I don’t think that’s the only reason. Are you still thinking about what Robin said freshmen year?’

Robin Traviss. My nemesis. The girl who somehow figured out I was the person who asked the ‘anonymous’ question about the best position for losing your virginity in the Human Sexuality course we were both taking. To my knowledge, she’s never blabbed that information freely, but there’s always been a suspicious correlation between me talking to cute guys at a party she’s at and their strange inability to ever call me back, despite earlier promises.

‘Robin has absolutely nothing to do with my decision to finally dust off my vagina.’

Maya rolls her eyes and holds up her hands in surrender. We’ve had this argument before and it never goes anywhere. ‘Okay. So you’re planning on losing your virginity in what … six days or less? And your prime candidate turned out to be a gentleman and refused.’

‘The bastard,’ I grumble.

‘You’ll need a new plan,’ she informs me. ‘Are there any other guys you could go out with? You know, see how the night develops? Like a normal person instead of some control freak?’

I wrack my memory. Eventually a name comes up. ‘Tom. From last semester’s econ class. He was always saying we should go out for drinks sometime.’

‘Wow … he sounds as exciting as a pap smear. Does anyone under forty even invite other people out for drinks?’

I give her the eye and she bites down the rest of her complaints, forcing herself to smile at me instead. ‘Fine. You can call Tom. Just don’t bring up the virginity thing. It kind of makes this sound like a bad porno.’ She reaches out and puts a hand over mine. ‘But, Catherine, maybe you should try talking to Dallas one more time. Now that I’ve found him, I wish my first time had been with the right guy … I don’t want you to have the same regrets.’

I’m torn between teasing her about her newfound love wisdom and genuine happiness. Happiness wins out. ‘I’m glad you two are doing so well, Maya. Even if I still haven’t met the guy.’

She fiddles with the lid of her cup. ‘Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that. We should all go out. I think you’ll be surprised—’

‘Sure. Let me know when.’ She lights up, but I’m determined to get back on track. ‘I’ll talk to Dally again. But if he doesn’t want it, I’m going with Tom. I’ve already figured out everything I’ll need.’

Maya makes a face. ‘You’re such a romantic.’

‘Losing it isn’t a matter of romance,’ I assure her. ‘It’s a matter of planning.’

‘I think I’m beginning to see why Dallas told you no,’ she says.

But I’m already lost in thought. Maya’s right. I don’t want to have any regrets, but I’m on a bit of a timeline. There’s got to be a way to convince Dally to reconsider. Now I’ve got to discover it before it’s too late.

Day 1 — Evening

I’ve managed to avoid Cat for most of the day, trying to figure out what I’m going to do. Over the years, I’ve come to accept a few things about how my life’s turned out. Jake’s like my brother. I’ve helped him beat the shit out of guys who’ve hurt Cat and know that in Jake’s mind, no guy will ever be good enough for her.

Even me.

Not that I’d ever bring up the possibility with him. Fuck, I like breathing. And his parents were there for me when my life went to hell, so there’s no way I’d take advantage of their baby girl.

Which is why I’ve learned to keep myself locked down. To ignore Cat’s cute little pyjamas and act like it doesn’t kill me when she’s crying over another idiot and pretend I don’t notice when she’s checking me out—which has been happening more and more frequently the past few months. But it’s been harder and harder to keep that up.

See, the problem is I want Cat, in every sense of the word. Knowing I’m moving back to take over my uncle’s mechanic’s shop, finally getting the chance to move on is the only way I’ve been clinging to my sanity the past few weeks.

But this morning has blown all my control to hell.