Holiday Hideout (Polar Bear, Alaska)

As soon as we’re nothing more than ragged breaths on the phone, I hang up.

I do.

Without even saying goodbye.

Without even acknowledging what just happened.

I let the fears of what we just did eat away at me as I stare at my phone, wondering if he’ll call back. I can say it was a faulty connection. My service provider dropped the call. That happens. Right?

I continue to stare at the phone when a text appears from Fender.

“Sleep tight. The next time I see you it is on.”

Today, it’s on. It’s Saturday morning, and as I get ready for the plunge, my stomach twists into a pretzel.

“So, he’ll be there?” Joanie asks me for the millionth time.

“He said he would.”

“So, that’s a yes?” Her big eyes question me.

I shrug, exasperated. “I don’t know, Joanie. I don’t know if he means what he says. I don’t know him that well.” I hope he means what he says, because if so, then today when I see him, it is on.

“No need to get your panties all in a bunch,” Joanie says with an eye roll.

Sometimes I wonder if we’re even related.

“Is Dad coming today?”

“He said he had a few things to do, but he’d meet us there.”

I look at my sister as she tosses a sweater over her t-shirt. “Has he been acting weird?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just I ran into Sam, and he said Roger hasn’t worked on any new projects since he hurt his shoulder last April.”

Joanie’s eyes widen. “No, that’s impossible. He said he had to go over there today to help Roger out before the plunge.”

“I don’t know, something weird is going on with him.” I purse my lips, wondering why on earth my father would lie to me.

“Maybe he’s sneaking off to have a torrid love affair.”

I laugh at the ridiculousness of her statement. “There’s no one he could be dating.”

Joanie stares at me. “You’re right. I don’t know then. Maybe he picked up more hours at work and doesn’t want to let us know?”

Hmm. “Maybe.”

“Are you ready to go?”

I look at myself once more in the mirror. I’m glad the plunge takes place in freezing temps. No need to wear a bikini in front of Fender.

My thought drags me into a world of self-doubt, and I shove the insecurity away. No, I won’t let the idea of me in a bikini ruin my mood today.

“Think warm thoughts,” Joanie says as we leave the house.

Warm thoughts, exactly what I feel when I think of Fender and our phone sexcapade the other night and what’s coming.

People pack the lake when Joanie and I pull up in my Jeep. The sun hangs low in the sky and there’s a slight chill in the air. A small crowd stands near a white tent, with steaming mugs of hot cocoa in their hands.

“Wow, can you believe Levi is here?” she asks, talking about the boy from school she’s been obsessing over since the seventh grade.

“Is he?” I scan the crowd, but I’m not looking for Levi. I’m only looking for Fender, and I spot him near the entrance to the tent in a hoodie and sunglasses.

From this far away, you wouldn’t even be able to tell who he is. I make my way toward him, letting Joanie wander toward Levi on her own.

“Hey, you came.”

“Quite a few times since talking to you,” he says with a smirk.

I blush. “I meant you showed up.”

He leans in closer to whisper in my ear. “I knew that.”

“Are you going in the lake with us?”

He raises a brow, staring out at all the people standing by the lake. “I want myself in perfect functioning order when we leave here.”

I blink up at him. “Why?” I know exactly why, but a part of me needs to be reminded. Because as many times as I pinch myself, I still can’t believe this is really happening. To me. Of all people.

I wrap my fingers around his bulging bicep. “I have faith you’ll be just fine.”

He steps back. “No way. I’m not gonna let you convince me to jump into that lake.”

“Oh, come on. It’ll be fun.”

He shakes his head. “Yeah, right. Probably as much fun as having your teeth pulled.”

“You’ll feel alive once you jump in.”

“I feel very much alive just standing here where it’s warmer.”

Head-to-head people huddle together to get that last bit of heat before jumping into the lake.

“You’ll feel even more alive.”

He wraps an arm around my waist. “Rachel, you make me feel more alive than I could ever feel. If you want me to follow you into some frozen lake, I will. Because I’m realizing I’d follow you anywhere. It’s why I planned ahead and brought a change of clothes.”

I gaze into his piercing blue eyes, unable to even breathe. Before I can say anything, Joanie interrupts us.