Executive Engagement

“I’m so fucked,” I mutter under my breath again, leaning back against the couch. I throw my head back and close my eyes, allowing the darkness to take over my mind. Taking Misty’s flask back to my lips, I take an hearty sip… and then another. It’s so much easier to deal with all this with a slight buzz going on.

Even though Misty has just threatened me, there’s no way I can keep on fooling Liam. Not after knowing him like I do. I might not be the most righteous woman on Earth, but even I have limits.

Of course, that’s easier to think than to do - I don’t want to break his heart, but if I don’t do it… Everything I worked so long and hard for will be at risk. And I sure as hell don’t want to throw it all away on a whim. I mean, I’ve sacrificed all of my adult life to Lust Muscle, trying to grow it as a respectable company. I can’t abandon my company this easily.

But how the hell am I supposed to do it, when saving my business means breaking two hearts at once - mine and Liam’s? God, I can’t believe that after so many years of mocking those w

omen that fall in love, I’ve became one of them. Karma really is a screwed up thing, isn’t it?

Ah, I can’t even think right now.

Rubbing my temples with my thumbs, I take deep breathes and finally open my eyes again. I look at my wristwatch and, even though it’s barely 3 pm, I make a decision: I’m going to get out of here and go home.

Yeah, maybe I’m hiding from the world, but so what? It’s not like I’m doing any good here, in the office. If I remain here, soon enough my brain will melt inside my skull and that’d definitely be the end of Lust Muscle.

Forcing myself to stand up, I drag my feet across my office and step outside, already feeling the vodka wrapping itself around my brain like a heavy blanket.

“I’m going home for the day,” I tell my assistant, and she looks at me, surprised. This is the first time in years that I’m leaving the office earlier just so I can go home - whenever I leave early, I do it because there’s a job I’m working on. “You can take the rest of the day off,” I tell her, and then the surprise in her face is replaced by an exultant expression. Everybody loves to take the afternoon off.

“Thank you! But, uhm, are you okay?” She adds, and I just force myself to smile at her.

“I’m fine! But we deserve a few hours off, don’t we? Let’s enjoy the rest of the day,” I tell her, even though I know for a certainty that I won’t be enjoying my afternoon off - unless ‘enjoying the afternoon’ means getting drunk and depressed while watching romantic comedies from the 90s.

Walking out of my office floor, I step into the elevator and press the button that’ll carry me all the way down; meanwhile, I grab my phone and call for an Uber. Lucky for me, there’s a free car just around the block, and it’s already waiting for me the moment I step one foot outside the building.

Thirty minutes later and I’m already home, a deep sadness taking over me, wrapping itself around my heart and brain like one of these snakes that crush you before it finally decides to devour you, bones and all.

Taking my dress off, my limbs suddenly feeling as heavy as concrete, I take my old college pajamas out of my wardrobe and slip inside them. I grab a blanket and then drag it after me to the living room; there, I just collapse on my couch and grab the remote.

I put The Biggest Licker on, and prepare to forget about the real world for the duration of the show - there’s something about watching billionaires fighting for their chance at deflowering a virgin while your own life is in disarray. There’s just something about that show that makes you believe that, maybe, you also have a shot at an happily ever after. Although, right now, I doubt that’s how this story will end for me.

It’s hard to accept that I’m on the verge of losing Liam. I don’t know how it happened, but somewhere along the way I started to believe that things would work out in the end. Oh, I was so naive.

But it was bound to happen - no man has ever made me feel like he does… And I just can’t stand the thought of being apart from him. But what did I expect would happen? I deserve this. After all, I fooled him just so I could break his heart… And I did it for money.

Makes you wonder, doesn’t it? I spent my whole adult life crushing men’s hearts and ruining their lives without breaking a sweat, and all for what? Just so I could buy myself expensive clothes and live in a modern apartment? I always told myself that Lust Muscle was about empowering women and going after bad men… But now I can’t help but wonder: maybe I’m as bad as the men I’ve destroyed.

“Oh, crap,” I whisper as I watch my phone’s screen light up. It’s sitting on my coffee table, and it’s vibrating so hard that, if I don’t grab it, it’s going to tumble down onto the floor.

Reaching for it, my heart sinks down as I watch Liam’s name blinking on the screen. My mouth goes dry, and my heart starts racing inside my chest. I can’t run forever, can I? Sooner or later, I’ll have to face him.

But I’m not ready - not right now.

And so I shut the phone down and put it in flight mode, effectively cutting my only connection to the outside world.

Right now, I just want to be alone.

Cara

I can’t believe it’s already been one day.

I even slept on the couch last night, for God’s sake! Instead of going to work this morning, I simply dragged myself to bed and collapsed there. I slept till noon, had some Thai delivered for lunch, and then crawled back to the couch. I spent the whole day laying here, watching old Friends reruns and old movies from the 90s, and I did it all with a bowl of ice-cream on my lap. Yup, that’s right, I’m turning into a living cliché.

And that’s where I am right now, staring at the screen but not really processing what’s going on in there. I mean, I don’t even know what the hell I’m watching right now.

My brain is just too busy, you know? And, despite all that busyness, I still haven’t reached a conclusion. A reasonable conclusion, I mean, since eloping with Liam to the Bahamas isn’t that reasonable. This is the classical paralysis-by-analysis situation, and you can trust me when I tell that having your life in a limbo isn’t fun. Nope, not at all.

And, to make matters, worse, Liam has already called me again - twice in the morning, and twice after lunch. I turned off flight mode earlier today, but now I already regret doing so - I’ve been avoiding his calls all the same, staring at my phone screen until it goes dark again, and that really hasn’t helped to improve my mood.